The real reason Lex hated Christmas season was because that everybody always acted up during Christmas season. Bummed because they had nobody they wanted to be with or stressed out with dealing with too many people they didn't want to be with, people always got angry, drunk, horny or really bizarre. Company parties were either dreary events as people wondered whether they were going to have jobs for the next year or crazy events where people kept hallucinating mistletoe all over the place and acted like a bunch of horn dogs. His father was no exception in this regard. A few lawsuits were nearly caused by those events. Hiding in the closet was a perfectly sane thing to do.

As for being angry, drunk, horny or just plain freaky, his servants were no different from the rest of the general population. Once, they decided to have a karaoke party. It was traumatic enough to hear Enrique emote his way through "I did it my way," by Frank Sinatra but a horrible amount of sugary pop songs rendered by a few tipsy but amazingly loud and off-key amateurs made Lex grind his teeth. There was also that incident last year where the staff decided to imitate an event one of the servants saw on a visit to San Francisco called Incredibly Strange Wrestling where people donned masks, wrestled like the WWF and tortillas were thrown into the ring by onlookers. Enrique and his boyfriend at the time had offered to perform this for the other servants. Strangely, it had ended up with Enrique and said boyfriend doing something that had less to do with wrestling and more with the horizontal bop. The rest of the crew were too wasted to really care, however, and continued to throw toast and pancakes into the ring as the kitchen didn't have tortillas.

Lex decided this year to send his staff far, far away from the estate this time around. It not only promised to be a nice quiet Christmas but maybe he could wheedle a certain farm boy into spending a little time with his poor, lonesome and temporarily servantless friend.

To: BossSupremo@lex.. . .
From: chefsupreme@lex.. . .

I just finished a meal of hairy crab at the hotel in Hong Kong I'm staying at. There is no decent Chinese food in Smallville, just the nightmarish Kentucky-fried, glowing-like-a-nuclear-reactor-core nuggets of glop usually found in such a small town. -_-;; I'm going to buy some hairy crabs and package them for express delivery home. Be prepared to rub your belly in delight. Sadly, the hairy crab season is nearly over so don't waste any of the meat. Yes, I'm packing extra for Clark. e_e Boy eats so much. Oh by the way, what is his obsession with toast? I found this huge pile of toast in the middle of dining table once. If he's going to make it, he should eat it! >_<

To: BossSupremo@lex.. . .
From: dustbuster@lex.. . .

Hi, Boss! Staying with my cousin who lives near San Francisco. I got you a present while walking around in the Mission District. I got you the Hitachi Magic Wand. It's good for relieving tension. It massages your back and other parts. Maybe you could ask Clark to hold it against hard-to-reach places then you could return the favor. Do you think Clark would like one, too? Then you could use both of them at the same time. I think there's something wrong with what I'm writing, but I can't figure out what it is.

I'd pick up some burritos but they don't keep that well. Tamales, maybe? I'll pack extra for Clark.

To: BossSupremo@lex.. . .
From: washorama@lex.. . .

Tokyo is really cold, especially when you're waiting for hours to get into Tokyo Big Sight for Comiket. As for your request for the Warrior Angel yaoi doujinshi, I've found one in the shops but I'm not sure you want this one. The art's pretty good but the plot is pure smut. Basically, Devilicus has this tentacle monster and Warrior Angel is tied up, and well . . . 0_0 I'll bring it home and you can decide for yourself. Ah, hem. I'll also get you some nice green tea and how about some sea urchin paste you can put on rice? Or maybe I should stick to some nice cake? Yeah, cake sounds better. On the other hand, you could always send the sea urchin paste to Clark's dad or your dad.

To: BossSupremo@lex . . .
From: chupachups@lex . . .

Master, I hope you are not lonely without us. T_T Or perhaps flannel boy has come to make you warm and cozy. ^_^ I can not thank you enough for sending my honey and me to Hawaii to toast in the sun and frolic in the surf. ^o^ I will make sure to get you some chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. :)~

Love, Enrique and Whitney

Mmm, thought Lex, chocolate covered nuts.

"Hi, Lex, what are you reading?"

"Hi, Clark. Just some e-mails from my devoted staff. Oh, they send you their love," he said flipping the computer screen down after shutting it off.

"I can't believe you sent everybody away. Aren't you lonely?"

"Not any more. Up for a Lord of the Rings marathon?"

Clark smiled. "I'll get the fireplace going."

The End

http://www.expatsingapore.com/eating/hairycrab.shtml is one hairy crab site. Yes, hairy crab exists. Yaoi is kinda like slash except there's a ton of Japanese cultural concepts mixed in with it that makes it very different from Western slash. Doujinshi is like a fanzine and ranges from gag parodies, dramas, slash, illustrations, text, hetsmut, etc. Comiket is a huge gathering of people who make doujinshi.