The Secret Life of Dominic

6 a.m.

Every morning after I wake up, I take five darts and throw them at the picture I have of Lex Luthor. He's the son of the love of my life and my rival for the magnificent bastard's affections. I've drawn horns and fangs on the picture with a red pen. He's really quite hideous. I know what I'm doing is petty but he DID drug me and lock me in the trunk of a car. Arrogant prick, I could totally take him on and bend him like a pretzel except Lionel would fire me for hurting his flesh and blood.

Then I throw myself on the bed and yell and scream about unfair it is that Lionel wants to rule with his son by his side instead of me. "You promised! You promised!"

After my daily scream and biting the pillow therapy, I take a shower, clean up and carefully trim my beard and mustache. I also apply sun screen to avoid wrinkles. I make a protein smoothie and take some multi-vitamins. After all, I have to look my best.

7 a.m.

I take the subway to Luthercorp building. I live pretty far away so I always take a book. The book I'm reading now is really quite interesting and no, I didn't buy it because the pirate on the cover looks like Lionel. Mmmm, Lionel is quite the corporate pirate. If he were a real pirate, I imagine he'd stand with the wind in his hair, laughing as his crew plunder and run people through with their swords because that's the type of man he is. Ah, it's such a beautiful vision.

Hey, what are you staring at? Never seen a man read a book before?

8 a.m.

Today promises to be absolutely horrible. At the office, I listened to Lionel trying to get that absolutely ugly son of his to move back to Metropolis but he refuses, which cheers me up. I suspect it has something to do with a certain flannel-wearing piece of trade. Well, if that's what he likes, it just means more Lionel for me.

"Lionel," I said after his brat prince son left. "Forget Lex. It's obvious he doesn't care about this company as much as I do. Why do you keep taking him back? You know that I'm the one you should believe in."

He turned to face me. "I appreciate your loyalty and make sure that you're amply rewarded but Lex is blood. Why do you hate him so much?" I bristle. "You forget that he drugged me and stuck me in the trunk of his car!"

Lionel chuckled. "Oh, yes, that was most amusing."

I would've resigned at that very moment, but then he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Why don't you tell me about your idea about overseas accounts while I get a massage?"

9 a.m.
It's so unfair I didn't get to give him a massage. But perhaps it's for the best, I wouldn't be able to give a decent presentation of my brilliant plan to hide even more of Luthercorp's assets if I were kneading his back with oil like that slut was doing.

Lionel smiled and said that the plan was a good one!

After his massage was finished, he stood up and his robe fell open. Luckily, I had enough control not to fall on my knees and . . . worship him right there. No, that's for after lunch.

10 a.m.

I worked on some of the paperwork in my inbox for several hours. I'm not a ho, you know. I actually do work around here. I am an invaluable part of this company. That Lionel fails to take this into account is not my fault.

2 p.m.

I HATE LEX! I SWEAR THAT ONE DAY I"LL STRANGLE HIM! I was underneath Lionel's desk about to unzip his pants when Lex knocked on the door and Lionel let him come in.

"You had the door locked. I'm sure you don't have anything to hide from me, do you, dad?"

"Of course, not, Lex. Come in."

Lionel stands up and gets out of range of my loving hands. They end up talking gobbledegook for an hour. By the time they finish lying and telling half-truths to each other, Lionel's no longer in the mood. "Why don't you go back to your desk, Dominic? I have many things to do and I'll need all my faculties to deal with them."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!, I thought. .

I spend the rest of the afternoon, fuming. .

5 p.m.

I stopped by the local adult video store before I went home. Tonight is tuna casserole night.

7 p.m.

I was about to take the tuna casserole out of the oven when there was a knock on my door. I was hoping it would be Lionel but oddly enough it was Enrique. "What are you doing here?" I said.

Enrique gave me a hug and began blubbering, something about his Master and the other Master, some sort of rubbish. I can't believe he has the bad taste of crushing on Lex. There's absolutely nothing attractive about him, he has none of the beauty of his father.

Enrique's always been there whenever I needed to talk about Lionel, so I tell him to sit down in the kitchen, throw him a box of Kleenex and told him that I was going to give him a piece of tuna casserole.

To cheer him up, I take out my porn DVDs I got today and open a bottle of merlot. I don't care if it matches the tuna casserole or not!

6 a.m.

I can't believe I let Enrique stay overnight. I can't believe I had sex with Enrique. Ah, crap! Now, he's woken up and wants to get cuddly. I think to myself, Now what would Lionel do . . .

The End