by Serafina
Title: Interlude I to Corner of the World : Resolve
Author: Serafina
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Notes: Thanks to Amy and Fabrisse for the beta job. Additional thanks to Amy for help on the title.
Lex had been studying the board for almost five minutes. Chloe had asked him three times already if he wanted to give up and start over, but he insisted he could still play. His blue eyes canvassed the tiles with a curious intensity that made Chloe want to squirm in her seat. It wasn't like he was ogling the board or anything, but just the concentration he was exerting, combined with his pure animal magnetism, was enough to make her heart speed up, and a parade of dirty thoughts march merrily through her mind.
Not for the first time did it occur to her how lucky Clark was. It wasn't that Chloe really thought that Lex would be all that great a boyfriend; she had a sneaking suspicion that he'd be lacking in the emotional support arena, despite Clark's insistence that Lex really was sensitive. It was just, Lex was very ... well, hot didn't do him justice. It was a start, but, truth be told, Lex was simply downright sexy.
She didn't have a crush on him. Chloe knew that much. Nor did she have a crush on Clark, although in his case she had to add an 'anymore' to that statement. One of the New Years resolutions she'd made was to be more honest with herself. She hated making resolutions, and usually refrained from doing so, but her father had turned it into a family activity that year. Her hands had been tied. Since she'd made the damn thing, Chloe felt she might as well keep it. So, she had to admit that she had a crush on Clark since she'd met him, but it had died down a bit since he'd begun seeing Lex.
However, lack of crushes or no, her recent dreams had been very interesting, if not down right erotic because of the two men. After all, she was fifteen, and when her beautiful best friend was fucking someone who was sex personified, it was only natural her own wayward hormones go to town with it.
Glancing at her, Lex's eyes began gleaming with mischief. Chloe groaned softly, knowing that she wasn't going to like what came next.
As usual, her instincts proved to be true.
"Qiviut," he said, laying his tiles down.
"That's not a word!" she protested, grasping at straws. "You made that up."
"I did not," he responded mildly. "It is a word. It's what the wool of a musk-ox is called."
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" Not that Lex had spent the game lying; in fact, he seemed never to need to. The man was a walking dictionary.
He didn't dignify her question with a verbal answer. Instead, he lifted his cappuccino, gazing pointedly at the Scrabble dictionary lying on the table next to the board.
She'd already checked the book about a dozen times, losing a dozen turns in the process. Logic dictated that she just let it go and take her turn. But, there was a little voice in Chloe that reminded her the one time she didn't check would be the one time he lied. So, as Lex grimaced over the particularly foul tasting cappuccino the Beanery was producing this evening, she flipped through the dictionary, looking for the word.
"Aw man!" she groaned, slamming the book shut.
"Told you," he said smugly.
"My mistake for every doubting you," Chloe said sourly, lifting her own drink. "I hate losing."
"So do I."
She smirked. "Now, why am I not surprised?"
"Hey, guys," Clark said from behind Chloe. "What are you doing?"
"Lex is trying to dazzle me with his knowledge of obscure and useless words," Chloe sighed. She twisted in her seat; Clark and Lana were standing side by side, both still carrying their backpacks. They had stayed late at school, she knew; Lana was having trouble in math, so Clark was tutoring her.
"Qiviut" Lana said, reading from the board. "Is that a word?"
"Unfortunately, yes. Clark? Are you ok?" Chloe asked.
Clark seemed to be blushing. As he gazed at the board, full of obscure words, his eyes grew wide.
Chloe glanced back at Lex. He seemed very satisfied with himself.
"Ok. Where's the dirty words?" she asked, sotto voce. She was beginning to feel left out as the air between Clark and Lex almost visibly thickened with desire.
"No dirty words, Chloe," Lex responded, not taking his eyes off Clark. "I wouldn't want to be caught corrupting the youth of Smallville. Care to take a seat?"
Grabbing a chair from the table next to them, Clark sat next to Lex. Chloe knew that their legs were probably touching underneath the table, even though they looked a respectable distance apart. Well, as respectable as you could get while crowding four people at a table intended to seat two. As it was, Lana's foot was pressed against hers, but Chloe highly doubted that it was intentional.
"How long have you two been playing?" Lana asked.
Chloe and Lex exchanged looks. "What? Half an hour? Forty-five minutes?" she guessed.
He checked his watch. "About that. I got here around two; you showed up at three-thirty."
"I worked on my homework for about thirty minutes so, yeah. About half an hour."
"Why aren't you at work?" Clark asked, fingering one of Lex's letters.
Lex sighed. "I was going crazy trying to finish this week's reports, so I decided to come here. I stay calmer doing boring crap when I'm in public than if I'm at the plant." He cocked his head, studying Clark. "Are you ok?"
Clark yawned and rubbed his eyes, as if Lex's question had reminded him that he'd been acting as if he were exhausted all day. "I'm fine. Didn't get much sleep last night."
"Why not?"
He shrugged. "No reason. How's your project coming, Chloe?" he asked, changing the subject.
"Good. Pete and I are done with the written stuff; this week-end we were going to practice the presentation. Speaking of which," she continued, smoothly changing to topic and fixing Clark with a steely gaze, "why were the two of you in my office during English today?"
Clark blinked innocently at her, then dropped his gaze to the board. "We weren't in your office," he responded. "What's this word mean?" he asked Lex.
"What? Dichasia? Flower clusters," he answered.
Clark licked his lips.
Chloe raised her eyebrow. "You are such a liar. I know you guys were there. Lana?" She turned her steely gaze at the brunette.
Lana blinked, obviously trying to look innocent. "We weren't in your office, Chloe. Or anywhere near the Torch. Clark and I went to the library to do some extra research."
"Right. Extra research," Clark told her. "What about this?" he asked Lex.
"Normal breathing."
"Say it."
"Eupnea."
Clark blushed.
"Guys. Stop it," Chloe snapped.
Lex and Clark looked at her. One pair of blue eyes had a hint of guilt in them, mingled with emotions best not thought about until she got home and was safely locked in her bedroom; the other pair was extremely smug.
Closing her eyes, Chloe tried to block Lex's expression out. Her stomach was doing flips. Getting back to the important issue, she said, "Clark, Lana, I know you were in my office."
"How?" Clark asked. "It could have been anyone."
"You took Blye." Blye was the stuffed pig she kept on her desk.
He grinned. "No we didn't."
"Where is she, Clark?"
He shrugged. "I dunno."
Shaking her head, Chloe snatched Clark's backpack. Blye was squished at the bottom, under his notebook. "So, what's this?" she asked, pulling it out.
"I told you we should have hidden it in your backpack, Lana," Clark said.
Lana returned his smile, stealing a glance at Chloe. "Next time I'll listen to you."
"No. There will be no next time. Why were you in there?"
Lana and Clark exchanged mysterious looks. "It's a surprise."
"This is my office you're talking about, Clark! I have a right to know why you're there."
"Technically, it's the school's office. You just get to work there because you really want to. We have permission, so you can't stop us. And you'll see on Monday what we're doing."
She thought about it for a moment. Then, realizing that they were most likely using a particular program only found in the Torch office, she guessed, "Are you guys making a newspaper for English?"
Clark smiled mysteriously. "Maybe. You'll just have to wait and see."
Chloe turned to Lana. "Tell me?"
Lana shook her head, her smile a tad taunting. "Sorry. I promised Clark. But I will promise that we won't steal your pig anymore."
Sighing, Chloe shook her head. "This isn't fair." Then, seeing how Lex was looking at her, she demanded, "What?"
Lex shook his head. "I just can't believe I spent the last half hour playing Scrabble with someone who keeps a stuffed pig on her desk."
Smiling evilly, she leaned over and said, "Well, we all don't all have dirty pictures of innocents to display, now, do we?"
Clark's face turned beet red, while Lex simply smiled. "The moment I actually get any, I can have copies made for you."
She refused to blush. Instead, she stood and tossed her hair back in as dignified manner as she could. "No thanks. Remember, I'm a reporter. You don't want to give me too much power."
He nodded in acknowledgment.
"I've got to go. I have a very long walk back home, and want to get started."
"I can give you a ride, if you like," Lex offered, leaning back. "All of you."
"No, it's ok. The walk will do me good. Exercise and solitude and all."
"Mind if I come with you?" Lana asked, standing. "I mean, since I need to get home too, and our houses are in the same direction?"
Chloe didn't know what to say. It wasn't that she hated Lana or anything, but the other girl was not her first choice of walking partners. Still, it was unlikely she would do or say anything too annoying during the half an hour it took to get home, so Chloe shrugged and said, "Sure. Let's go. See you in school tomorrow, Clark. If you take my pig again, I'll get you."
"I'm shaking in my boots," Clark told her, his grin a dare.
She accepted it with her own. "I know you are." Then, she turned and walked out of the coffee house, conveniently leaving Lex to pick up her tab.
"So, who won your game?" Lana asked once they had left the town and hit the road home.
Chloe made a face. "Lex. He kept coming up with all sorts of words I'd never heard of before. The man's a walking dictionary or something."
Lana laughed. "Well, he is very smart. I mean, I've only really gotten to know him since he moved here, since Nell usually kept me well away from the Luthors, but I've heard he's pretty much a genius. I wouldn't be surprised if he had memorized at least part of it." She licked her lips. "Do you know what was up with Clark? I mean, he was acting normal until he saw the board. What was going on?"
"With them, if you suddenly don't get the joke, or begin to feel really left out, it's safe to assume that there is something sexual going on."
"Really?"
Chloe thought about it a moment, the shook her head. "No, not really. They're just ... really intense, you know? Like they've been waiting their whole lives to meet each other, and now all this ... energy is spilling around them, devouring them, washing them away from reality. Like no one else really matters, even if they don't mean for that to happen." She sighed. "When I get around both of them, I feel really insignificant. Like they are so in tune with each other, I don't matter anymore, at least to them. But I ... I walk away with this feeling that maybe, someday, I'll find someone who makes me feel the same way." She laughed in a self-deprecating manner. "God. I sound like an idiot." Her cheeks were pink.
"No, you don't. What you said makes perfect sense," Lana assured her. "When Clark told me, I felt the same way. That Lex was so important to him, Clark didn't really need anyone else anymore. That Lex was enough to be everything. He didn't say that, but when he told me he was happy, there was just something in his eyes that made me feel that way." She worried her bottom lip a moment, then admitted, "I was jealous."
"Why?"
"I don't know. It was like you said; I felt insignificant. Left out. Clark was so ... glowy. Happy. He loves Lex so much, it shines through his eyes." She sighed. "I don't feel that way about Whitney. I like him. I might love him, but he doesn't make me glow."
"He's just a high school boyfriend."
"Chloe ..."
"Wait!" she said quickly, holding up her hand. "Let me amend that statement. What I meant was, it's probably better that he doesn't make you feel like that. Because then you might do something stupid, like throw your life away because you think you've found The One." She finger quoted the one, as if her tone wasn't enough to make Lana realize she was being sarcastic.
"Do you think Clark's going to throw his life away?"
Chloe shook her head. "No. For a few reasons. The first being, Clark can't get pregnant, so there isn't that mess to deal with. Then, I don't think he'll ever feel like he has to marry Lex. Of course, he can't marry Lex because it's illegal, but he won't feel the pressure to settle down and make a life with Lex. It probably helps that there are so many objections to them being together. And, well, Clark is a smart guy. He knows this isn't going to last forever; he's told me how important it is to him to be with Lex now because one day, Lex is going to leave. So Clark wants to have the memory of their time together. It'd be harder for him to throw his life away over Lex than it is for you to throw yours over Whitney."
Lana nodded slowly, thinking about it. "Except, I think people usually throw their lives away on the person that doesn't make them as happy as Lex makes Clark. They settle for security, and don't take a chance."
"Then you have to be careful not to do that."
"It's hard," she sighed. "At least, for me, it's hard. Especially right now. Everything feels like it's falling apart. I'm questioning everything about myself: my life, my goals and dreams. Nothing makes sense anymore. So, I feel like I need a bit of security in my life."
Chloe glanced at her. "And Whitney does that for you?"
She almost said yes, then decided that it was better to just be truthful. At least it was getting a bit darker, so she didn't have to see Chloe when she said it. "Not really. He did, but now I can't help feeling that instead of helping me, he's hindering me. It's not something he's doing on purpose, it's just that he doesn't understand what I'm feeling. I don't know how to make him understand, and that's really frustrating."
"Why don't you break up with him, then?"
"Because I like him. And I don't want to hurt him."
Chloe cleared her throat. "Not to sound really cold or anything, but sometimes you just have to do what's right for you, even if people you care about do get hurt. It's not like you'd be trying to break his heart, just, I don't know, taking a break while you figure things out. In a way, it might even be better for your relationship. I mean, if it's not working for you, then it really can't be working for him, either."
"Maybe. I don't know. I'm just, I'm used to him. He's comfortable."
"And that is totally the wrong reason to be with someone when you're trying to figure out who you are. If you don't take chances and break out of your comfort zone, how are you supposed to figure things out?"
Lana didn't respond. She thought about what Chloe said, chewing on her bottom lip. They walked in silence for a few minutes, mulling over their thoughts in private.
Finally, Lana took a deep breath; she had to ask a question that had been bothering her since Clark first told her about him and Lex. "Have you ever thought about it?"
Chloe glanced at her, obviously confused. "About what?"
"Being gay. Whether you might be or not."
"Oh." She seemed unusually subdued. "Well, yeah. I have."
Lana's stomach jumped. "Oh?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask ... what you decided?"
Crinkling her nose, Chloe glanced over at her. "I decided that it's a definite possibility. I mean, I like guys, but there is something to be said for girls too. That is, if it's the right one."
"The right one?"
She shrugged. "Intellectual. Self-aware. Articulate. Brave. Someone who doesn't feel the need to be defined or confined by society and its standards. Someone who isn't afraid to fight for who she is and what she wants. Or to try and figure it out, no matter how painful it is." Her cheeks turned pink and she looked away.
"What about looks?"
Chloe laughed. "I don't know. I like pretty people, but I also like people who have a lot going on inside. I guess, if I wanted a relationship with a woman, I'd have to find her attractive, but not necessarily beautiful in a conventional way. It just depends on the person. Same with guys, really."
"Oh. You've really thought about this, haven't you?"
"Yeah. I take it you haven't?"
The reached the end of the lane and stopped. Their houses lay in different directions, but they were too caught up in the conversation to split up quite yet.
Lana shook her head. "No, I haven't," she said. She smiled sadly. "It wasn't in the plan."
Chloe frowned. "The plan?"
"Yes. My life's plan."
"You've planned your life," Chloe said, disbelief in her tone.
"Sort of." She tugged on the ends of her hair. "I've always thought I had to be perfect. Nell always told me my mother led this perfect, fairy tale life, and I thought that, since she died, I had to complete it. Live it out for her. So, that meant I'd be head cheerleader, date the star quarterback, graduate at the top of my class, go to a good college, marry a hardworking, handsome man, have three beautiful children, and live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence." She shrugged. "There's no room in there for being a lesbian."
The other girl began laughing. "Jesus Christ, Lana. You talk like it's already happened. You're only sixteen. Not to be cliched, but you've got your whole life ahead of you. Why bother planning something that you don't want, then acting like it's inevitable?"
"That's part of my problem right now, Chloe. I thought I had to do all that for my mother. And now that I know the truth - that she was as scared and confused as I am - I don't know what I'm supposed to do. It'd be so much easier if people would just let me be and ..."
"What does that mean?" Chloe interrupted.
Lana blinked. "Well, everyone has such high expectations of me. When they look at me, they see this perfect, fragile princess who needs to be protected from the world. If ..."
"Bullshit."
"Excuse me?"
Chloe looked disgusted. "If people see you like that, it's because that's how you present yourself. I mean, I've spent a lot of time not liking you based on the image."
"What do you mean?"
"You're too passive, Lana. You just let people walk all over you. It drives me crazy. You act like you want people to protect you; I mean, that's what I always thought that you wanted. And, it sort of made sense. You parents died, and you got scared, so you let people take care of you. But, Jesus, if that's not what you want, then you have to change first. You have to make them see that you can take care of yourself, and that you are your own person. Fuck your stupid plan. Drop the princess act. Take some chances. Find out who you are and what you want."
Lana very rarely got in fights, but when she did, she always began shaking and sweating, heart pounding so hard that she could hear it echoing in her head. That's how she felt now, and she didn't quite know why. "It's not that simple," she said in a quavering voice.
"No. It's not. But you have to start somewhere. Getting rid of your stupid plan is one place to start."
Closing her eyes, Lana gritted her teeth. "But, if I get rid of that image, then who am I? What am I supposed to be?"
"Whatever you want."
She made her decision. "Fine." Opening her eyes, Lana stepped forward, and kissed Chloe. Her fingers threaded through Chloe's soft blond hair as Lana forced them closer together, deepening the kiss.
After a moment, she pulled back. "I guess that wasn't so hard. Thank you." Then, before she began apologizing for her audacity, or Chloe started screaming at her, Lana turned and ran towards home.
Chloe's brain had short circuited. It felt like she was stuck in a repeating loop, one thought running through her mind over and over. Actually, it wasn't a thought so much as an image. A moment that she was stuck in, watching it happen again and again.
It'd been like this since last night. When Lana kissed her.
Lana Lang. Lana Lang had kissed her. Kissed her.
Chloe Sullivan.
This would be the reason that Chloe couldn't think. Because she had been kissed. It had been a long time since she had been kissed.
No, wait. She had to be honest with herself. Chloe Sullivan had never really been kissed. There had been party kisses (spin the bottle and that stupid Heaven game), and test kisses (both Clark and Pete when they'd had sex ed in sixth grade) and friendship kisses (Clark, after her date had dumped her at the eight grade dance), but no real kisses. No kisses with heat. No kisses that kept her up at night, or filled her dreams with erotic images.
No kisses that actually meant anything.
But ... did Lana's kiss mean anything?
"Hey, Chloe," Clark said, dropping on the bench next to her.
Chloe blinked, snapping out of her reverie. "Clark. Hey." She looked at him, just to see if he still looked as tired as he had on the bus.
He did. Of course, they'd only gotten to school fifteen minutes ago, so it wasn't all that surprising.
Clark was gazing at her speculatively. "I just noticed something."
"Oh? What?"
"You look really nice today. Like you dressed up or something."
She flushed. "No I don't. I mean, I don't know why. I just look normal."
"Nuh-uh. You look, I don't know." Clark tilted his head. "Glowy."
"You're crazy. I think You-Know-Who is getting to you."
"Well, if you say so. I still think you look nice."
Chloe bit her lip. "Thanks. Wow. This has got to be a first. You complimenting me."
Clark shrugged, cheeks pink. "Sorry. I mean, I guess I should do that sometimes. More often."
"It'd be nice."
He cleared his throat. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."
"What?" She glanced at the parking lot. Lana usually came to school with Whitney, even though she was on the bus route, just like Chloe and Clark. But, Lana hadn't been on the bus, as usual, so Chloe assumed that she would be arriving with Whitney.
Chloe wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about that.
"I was just wondering, well," Clark cleared his throat again, fidgeting. For once, Chloe ignored his discomfort in favor of her own problems.
"Spit it out."
"Remember how I told you about Lex? And his dad?"
"Yeah." There was Whitney's truck, pulling into the parking lot.
Running a hand through his hair, Clark asked, "Do you mind not saying anything about it? I mean, I don't think I was supposed to tell you."
"Yeah, sure. No problem."
"Chloe? This is serious. Are you even listening to me?"
"Of course I'm listening to you." She turned to him. "I'm your best friend. We tell each other almost anything. And, we keep each other's secretes. I won't say anything to anyone. I swear."
He smiled slightly, guilt still lurking in his eyes. "I just wish ... I wish I hadn't said anything. He's so embarrassed."
Chloe shrugged. "I'm not surprised. Lex gets off on power, and he does have a lot of it. Being beaten by his dad probably made him feel pretty powerless." She turned back to the parking lot.
Lana and Whitney were walking up to the school, hand in hand.
"There was more. He ..." Clark broke off abruptly. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you."
"Not if you're going to have a guilt ... trip," Chloe's words began to falter as Whitney leaned down and gave Lana a kiss.
A long kiss.
A hot kiss.
A never-ending kiss.
A kiss.
"I gotta go." Chloe rose abruptly, grabbing her book bag.
"Are you ok?" Clark asked, concerned.
"Fine. See ya in English."
Humiliation burning in every pore, Chloe ran off to the safety of the Torch office. She couldn't believe she actually thought ...
"Fuck this." Slamming the door behind her, Chloe slid to the floor, hiding her face in her knees. "It was just a kiss," she whispered, knowing that no one could hear her. "Just a kiss. It didn't mean anything." She sniffed. "It didn't mean one fucking thing."
Chloe looked up for a moment, then fastened her eyes back on the screen in front of her. "Hi."
"Can I sit down?"
"I'm a little busy."
"Oh." Lana cleared her throat, tugging the ends of her hair. "Clark and I went to your office again today. He wanted to rename all you editorial files so you couldn't find them, but I wouldn't let him."
"Well, wasn't that nice of you?" she said flatly.
Lana bit her lip, glancing around the Beanery. Sitting across from Chloe, Lana asked, "Are you mad at me?"
Chloe looked up. "Of course, not, Lana. Why would I be?"
"I just ... I just thought. It seemed like you've been avoiding me all day. When I came to eat lunch with you, you left. I looked in your office, but you weren't there."
"I was with Ms. Potts, going over a few things."
"Oh." Lana twisted a lock of her hair. "You look really pretty today."
"Thanks."
Tentatively, Lana reached across and touched Chloe's hand. "Look. About yesterday ..."
Chloe yanked her hand away viciously. "I don't want to talk about it."
"But ..."
"Lana." Chloe's eyes were ice as she glared at the other girl. "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About it."
Lana blinked, sitting back. "I do."
Shutting off her computer, Chloe rose and stuffed it in her book back. "Fine. Talk away. I just won't be here to listen. Actually, why don't you go talk about it with Whitney? I'm sure he'd love to hear; it's the stuff his wet dreams are probably made of." Turning she fled from the coffee house.
Determination rushing through her, Lana followed. "Chloe wait!" she called, chasing Chloe down.
"Leave me the fuck alone, Lana."
Lana grabbed Chloe by the arm. "Why are you acting like this? If you're mad, fine, just tell me what I did so I can apologize."
Shaking her head, Chloe laughed. "What do you think you did?"
She blushed. "I kissed you."
"And that's why you think I'm angry?"
"I don't know why you're angry. You won't tell me. So, yeah, I guess that's it. Because it was really rude of me. I should have asked."
Chloe shook her head. "It's not just that. It's ... fuck! I'm not going to let you do this to me, Lana."
"Do what?"
"Use me. I'm not going to let you use me to make Whitney jealous, or hot, or ... or as an experiment. I'm a human being and I don't deserve to be treated like that."
Lana blinked. "Chloe. I'm not ..."
"I've watched you do it all year to Clark," Chloe interrupted. "And it's not going to happen to me too."
Lana shook her head. "I don't know what you mean."
Chloe's expression was one of disgust. "Whitney forgets he's supposed to take you to Metropolis, so you go to the concert with Clark. Whitney can't go to your birthday party, so you ask Clark. You get annoyed at Whitney for trying to take care of you, so you go to Clark's party without telling him."
"I had every right ..."
"I know you had every right to do it. But that doesn't mean that you weren't using Clark. You knew he liked you, right?"
Lana looked at the ground. "Yes."
"And you knew that Whitney felt threatened by him, right?"
"Yes."
Chloe shrugged. "And still you used him." Her eyes turned hard. "I won't let you do that to me. Got it? I don't let anyone use me."
Licking her lips, Lana nodded. "I understand."
"Good." Then just as her eye began to turn bright from what Lana suspected might be tears, Chloe turned and ran down the road towards home.
"What's this?"
Clark shrugged, holding the slightly smushed flower out to Chloe "Lex said I should give you a flower."
Chloe had to laugh. "Why?"
He was blushing. "I told him that you were acting funny yesterday. How you got all mad, and wouldn't say why. And how you covered your notes with dismembered stick figures. He told me that if I was worried, I should do something nice for you."
Taking the flower, Chloe ran her fingers over the petals. "I can't believe you got me a flower. I think he's a good influence on you. First you compliment on my appearance, now you give me happy-gifts." She smiled. "If I didn't know better, I'd say he was teaching you how to be a kind, caring, sensitive, observant man. Which is strange because I wouldn't attribute any of those adjectives to him."
"Maybe I'm a good influence on him, too."
"Maybe you are."
Clark turned serious. "Are you ready to talk about it? I mean, you seem happier today."
Chloe shook her head. "No, not really. I'm just relieved. You know. The paper went out today and all, so that's off my mind. Until it begins again tomorrow." She tried a smile, but found it didn't really fit on her face.
"Chloe, what happened?"
"Nothing, Clark, I ..."
"Chloe?" Lana said softly from the door, clutching a copy of the Torch in her hand. "Can I talk to you a second? Alone?"
Chloe closed her eyes. "Lana, I don't have time."
"Yes, you do. Clark? Do you mind?"
Clark cleared his throat. "Uh, no. I'll see you in science, Chloe. Bye."
When Chloe opened her eyes again, Clark was gone. Lana was standing in front of her desk, the door closed. She wore a look of determination on her face.
"I have something to say to you," Lana said.
"What?" Chloe responded as coldly as she could. It pissed her off how much her chest ached looking at Lana.
She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I kissed you."
Chloe snorted. "Of course you are."
"What do you want from me, Chloe?" Lana cried, exasperated. "I try to talk to you yesterday, and you were furious at me. Now I'm trying to apologize, and you're still angry. How can I make this right between us?"
"You can't, Lana. Just stop trying." She turned, walking across the room to the file cabinet. Nothing needed filing, but she opened the drawer anyway.
"I told Whitney I wanted to see other people."
Chloe froze. Her breath sounded suddenly loud in her ears.
"I mean, I'm still going to see him, too, but I thought it was better this way. So I wouldn't be tied down to one person. So I could explore my options."
Chloe didn't respond.
Lana's shoes clicked against the tile floor. "I wasn't trying to use you. And I never meant to use Clark, either. I just ... high school is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I didn't think it would be that much of a difference, but it is. And. I've been confused. So maybe I haven't been behaving as well as I should have been, but I never meant to hurt anyone."
"Why did you kiss me, then?" Chloe asked in a raspy voice.
"I guess I was a little misleading when I told you I'd never thought about it. I mean, I hadn't, until I found out about Clark. And then, I did." She took a deep breath. "Every time I thought about it, kissing a girl. Holding hands. Wondering if I could be attracted to some who was the same sex as I was, your image popped into my mind. The more I thought about, the more I wondered what it would be like to kiss you. To hold you. To, I don't know. To be with you."
Heart fluttering in her chest, Chloe turned. She couldn't look Lana in the face, something that never happened to her. Instead, she focused on Lana's shoes; they were pretty turquoise Mary Jane-type shoes, only more delicate. More like ballet slippers, which were stupid to wear during the winter, but this was Lana, and she could do things like that.
"What are you saying?" Chloe asked finally, eyes focused firmly on the shoes.
Lana cleared her throat. "I'm saying that ... that I think I'm attracted to you."
"Oh." It was little more than a sigh; she couldn't manage much more around the lump that had taken residence in her throat.
"Yes." The shoes stepped closer. "Chloe? Please tell me what you're thinking."
Chloe cleared her throat, swallowed, cleared again, then looked up. "I ... I ... I don't know," she answered after a moment, realizing that her mind was distressingly blank.
The other girl took a step closer. "Look, I know I'm not exactly what you want. I'm not articulate, or brave. I don't know exactly who I am. But I was wondering if, maybe, you'd give me a chance." She took a deep breath, licked her lips, and asked, "Will you go to the movies with me this week-end?"
"Oh God," Chloe breathed, laughter bubbling in her stomach. A small giggle escaped her.
Lana looked stricken.
"No!" Chloe said quickly, beginning to laugh harder. She grabbed Lana's hand and squeezed it. "I mean, yes. I mean ... Lana, I don't really know what I'm looking for. But do you honestly think I would be as upset if there wasn't this small part of me that is attracted to you?"
Her face softened. "So, you'll go out with me?"
Chloe laughed harder. A moment later, Lana began giggling too.
Nodding, Chloe managed, "Yes. I want to go out with you. I just ... This is really weird."
"Yes. It is." Lana's giggles died down a bit, her eyes turning serious. "I just ... I have to do this."
"What?"
Then her question was answered as Lana leaned in and kissed her.
This time, Chloe surrendered completely, wrapping her arms around Lana's waist. She was soft and smelled good, her silky hair brushing against Chloe's cheek, sending shivers through her belly.
A thought occurred to her suddenly. Breaking the kiss, Chloe raised on hand to touch Lana's cheek. "Lana, you are brave. I think that you might actually be braver than I am."
Lana didn't get it at first. She looked confused, her eyes huge, lipstick smudged from their kiss. And then, as understanding dawned, she began to smile.
Chloe swore she was glowing.