I wanted him home for the holidays so I had him released a few days before Christmas. How I want him to remember. How I need him to forget. He sits across from me at the dinning room table. An elaborate feast is spread before us. It's much too extravagant for two people. But I wanted to celebrate getting my son back. The far away look in his eye tells me he's trying to recall something. This wasn't what I planned for him. This wasn't what I wanted for my son.

"Father?" He asks, as if he's unsure that I actually am.

"Yes Lex."

"Did we, did you and I ever ..." He doesn't finish the sentence. His solemn gray eyes drift down to his plate and he uses his fork to shift food back and forth on it.

How I'd hoped he'd remember. Remember how he loved me after his mother died. I was his whole world then. We shared the same bed. It was innocent at first. But I became lonely and that loneliness led me down a path I never should have traveled. Lex obliged me. He was my lover, though I'm sure I was never his. But for the first time since his birth he was completely and utterly mine. We shared everything. He took me into his confidence and I reciprocated. Even during those first years of boarding school, he returned to me every chance he got and I was confident that he always would. Then the Wayne boy came and stole him away from me. He opened his eyes and filled his head with notions of freedom and independence. I suppose when you lose your parents at a young age as Bruce did, you learn to get on without them. But Lex needed me. He will always need me. I'll make sure of it. I lost my parents at .... I stop myself there. He's looking at me again.

"Father?"

"Yes Lex", I sigh heavily. Every night has been like this since he's come home.

"Tell me about our family. Do I have grandparents, brothers and sisters?" His brow furrows and I sure he's remembering something he was supposed to forget.

How I need him to forget. I need him to forget who I really am. I need him to forget treacherous women who used him and discarded him. I want him to forget how I punished him for abandoning me, for refusing to return to my side and to my bed in favor of a farm boy with mystical powers and a beautiful lying mouth. He abandoned you but I never will.

He's mine. I've carefully charted his destiny and nothing must veer us off course. He's looking at me waiting for an answer. I begin with the story of the Scottish castle and royal ancestry. Even now he looks doubtful as I ramble on about the Luthor heritage. Halfway through my tale, he yawns.

"If you don't mind father, I'd like to turn in early. Clark is coming around seven and I want to get a good nights sleep." I grimace at these words but nod my permission and he rises. Clark has found a way back into his life despite my best efforts. How I'd hoped he'd forget. As he passes my chair he dips his head to give me a dutiful goodnight kiss on my cheek. It's cold and void of emotion just like he is now.

I sit in silence at the table remembering every ill-fated decision I've made. They flash before me like a dying man's life. I know I've lost Lex for good just as sure as I know that one day, he'll remember exactly what I need him to forget.