Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. Smallville is the property of Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Tollin-Robbins Productions, and Warner Bros. Television, and based upon characters originally created by Jerome Siegel and Joe Shuster. This story is for the entertainment only, not for profit.

Note: Thanks to Michelle for the beta reading.

~ ~

It was an especially quiet Friday evening in Smallville, though most days were serene in this city. In the rural area, the warmth of spring made the sights even more appealing than usual, a clear invitation for the locals to sit idly and watch the beauty of nature. But on the Kent farm no one was especially interested in that invitation, not much beauty can be seen when one is so busy fighting anyway. In the small kitchen of the Kent's house, sixteen year-old Clark argued with his father for what seemed like the thousandth time this week. That had been happening more and more as of late and even the usually calm Martha was beginning to show some exasperation with this situation. It seemed like Jonathan and Clark would never again get along as they used to, like their relationship was being destroyed little by little. The argument was always the same and so was the result, but knowing that didn't make it any less unbearable for the Kent family.

"Dad, it's just for a few hours. I won't spend the rest of my life in Lex's house." Clark said a bit sarcastically.

"Don't use that tone on me, Clark. And I already told you: I don't want you hanging out with the Luthors. Lex is just like his father, son. They are not to be trusted."

"I think you're being very unfair. You barely know Lex, dad." Clark said following his father around the kitchen.

"We're not discussing this anymore, Clark. You can't go and that's my final word."

Clark wanted to yell, to kick something, to ignore his father and go to Lex's house anyway, but the boy's peaceful nature stopped him from doing any of that. So instead, he simply accepted the order in silence and went to the barn to hide out for a while.

Back in the house, Martha tried to reason with her stubborn husband. She agreed with Clark on the matter, but politically tempered her words so Jonathan wouldn't feel betrayed.

"Jonathan, maybe we could invite Lex over sometime. So you'd get to know him better and Clark wouldn't feel like your opinion of him is unjust anymore."

"No, Martha. I don't need to bring a Luthor in this house to know what they're capable of. I've seen it before." He answered her thoughtfully. "And Clark will have to take my word for it."

"But, Jonat-"

"Martha, please. I'm trying to do what's best for our son. I thought you'd be by my side on this." He looked at her so intensely Martha felt confused.

"I'm always on your side. You know-"

"Good. Then there's nothing to argue about."

That was his usual intransigent tone and Martha immediately recognized her loss this time. Jonathan had always been headstrong and she was used to that already. Still this situation didn't feel quite right for her. She was already married to Jonathan when they met Lionel Luthor for the first time and she had seen everything the cruel man did alongside her husband. It was enough for them both to despise Lionel for the rest of their lives and Martha could understand why Jonathan would be worried about their son getting close to a Luthor. Still, the way Jonathan acted, it just seemed so. . .

//Oh, the rice is ready.// Martha thought turning to the oven and leaving behind her grave looking husband.

Jonathan silently watched his wife work, though his mind was far away from dinner at that moment. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate on the woman in front of him, his thoughts insisted on dragging him back over twenty years ago and suddenly his eyes focused on an entirely different person.

Slowly the kitchen disappeared before his eyes and Jonathan saw himself back in his old tailback uniform walking tiredly to the changing room in Smallville High. He could see that day as if it was happening just then. He remembered the bright sun above his head as he walked on the football field and the freezing feeling whenever a breeze brushed his sweaty body reminding him that it was still early spring.

He remembered going into the silent and deserted changing room after practicing hard for almost two hours. He quietly undressed and put away his cherished uniform. It was quite a relief to be in just his boxers, his body was way too sweaty for those heavy clothes. Picking his towel, Jonathan walked to one of the shower booths smiling to himself. He had chemistry class in thirty minutes and wondered if Cathy Lewis would once again complain of his hair dripping water on her notes.

Young Jonathan had no idea. He had no idea that right across the room there was someone watching, someone not much older than him, but in a way much more aged. He had no idea this other person had been sent from Metropolis to blackmail one of the teachers of the school who had lived there for a few years and had been foolish enough to do business with Luthor Corp. And even in his wildest dreams, he would have no idea the effect his strong and glistering body was having on his secret watcher.

But he would soon find out.

The other young man came out from the dark and quietly approached Jonathan.

"Hi." He said amiably.

Jonathan started at first, but relaxed as he recognized whom it was. "Oh, hi Lionel. I hadn't heard you come in."

He had spoken to Lionel Luthor a few times since the young man had arrived in Smallville, a few weeks before. They had become somewhat friends and Jonathan greatly admired the sophisticated beauty of the older boy. He also noticed Lionel tended to choose his company over that of the other boys he had met and Jonathan felt secretly flattered by the preference.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Lionel smiled walking to him.

"It's okay." Jonathan said, placing his towel on a hanger right outside the shower booth.

"So. . . do you usually practice alone?"

"Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The other days I practice with the team." Jonathan blushed at the hint he had been watched.

"I see. So basically you practice everyday? I can see the results." Lionel suggested openly eying Jonathan's chest and making the younger boy a bit uneasy.

"Yeah. . . er. . . D-did you finish your research already?" School research had been the pathetic excuse Lionel gave for being in Smallville, but it made sense for Jonathan. He had seen Lionel with Mr. Jacobs, the history teacher, a few times.

"No, I'm not even close to finishing actually. I think I'll have to stay here for at least a month." Lionel said stepping a little too close to his friend. "But at least that will give us time to get to know each other better."

"Yeah, that would be nice." Jonathan felt strangely comfortable with Lionel's closeness and he must have shown it for Lionel took another step to him after a second of hesitation.

"Wouldn't it? So let's start it now. Mmm. . . Do you have a girlfriend?" He asked, casually placing a hand on Jonathan's hip.

"No, I don't." Jonathan moved back until his heels hit the wall and watched in quiet confusion as Lionel came to him again, this time placing both hands on his waist. It was just so odd. Part of his mind told him to push the other boy away at once. But that part was so much weaker then the other one. . .

"No?" Large thumbs began caressing his belly and Jonathan hastily covered Lionel's hands with his own, stopping their movement. Not that it felt bad, but it was just wrong. "A boyfriend then?"

"No! No boyfriend." Jonathan answered outraged, even if this unusual situation was getting an obvious response from his body.

"Mm. Have you ever kissed?" Lionel was so close now, Jonathan could feel each word coming from his mouth as a warm puff on his own mouth.

"Well, yes. I had a girlfriend once."

"What about a boy? Have you ever kissed a boy?"

"No." The answer was spoken softly this time and instincts rather than rational thought made Jonathan keep his mouth slightly opened afterwards.

His mind was racing uncontrollably by then. He could see images of his father always teaching him how to be manly, which in the old man's mind included being sexist and prejudicial. But now those memories were blurred, overpowered by images he had created himself, most of them including his new friend Lionel and some quite irreligious activities. He was confused and wanted time to sort out his feelings, but obviously Lionel would have none of it.

"Never?" Jonathan smelled Lionel's breath and felt lost for a few seconds. What was the question again? Oh, yes, 'kissed a boy'.

"N-no. Never." His voice shook almost as much as his body now.

"Would you like to try it?"

"I. . . I don't know."

"Of course you know. Do you want to try it or not, Jonathan?" Whether it was the firmness of the voice or the fact that Jonathan simply couldn't stop himself, was irrelevant. The point was that a second after Lionel said those words the talk was over.

Jonathan kissed Lionel. He kissed hungrily and without restraint. Jonathan was never one to do things halfheartedly and if he had started with this madness, he'd do it for real. He opened his mouth to Lionel, greedily allowing his senses to try it all. Taste, smell, so new, so different. . . and so good. But soon, it wasn't enough. His hands traveled up Lionel's chest, feeling the firm muscles beneath the silk shirt. He clutched Lionel's hair and pressed his body against him with all his strength. He wanted to touch everywhere at once. But that still wasn't enough. Their tongues danced together in perfect accord, their hands explored each other confidently, like they'd been doing that their entire lives. Jonathan suddenly noticed the soft moans coming from his partner and wasn't surprised to hear his own. They sounded melodious in some strange way. Everything mingled deliciously and any doubts Jonathan had before, vanished completely. Actually, most of his conscious thoughts were disappearing too while a stronger urge grew inside him pushing everything else aside. He had thought kissing would feed this odd hunger he felt, but it was only making it stronger. The more he tried to feel Lionel; the more his body demanded.

It was like a perfect dream until the feeling of something hard against his belly broke the spell and brought some sense back into his mind. Jonathan immediately broke the kiss pushing Lionel away.

"What. . . What did you do?" He asked in a strangled voice, shaking from shock and excitement.

Lionel gave him a surprised look. "Me? I didn't do anything, Jonathan."

They just stared at each other for a few seconds. Slowly, Jonathan's mind was turned back on and the boy realized in horror he had been the one to start the kiss. What would his parents think? And his friends? By the Gods, how had that happened?

Jonathan wanted to ask Lionel not to tell anyone, but before he could even formulate the words Lionel gave him a scowl and quickly shoved him into a shower booth, turning on the cold water. "Cool down, Kent. We'll talk later."

Shaking his head violently to try to expunge the memories he wished to forget, the grown-up Jonathan stood up to help his wife set the table. Why couldn't he just forget all that? He tried to concentrate on the work but suddenly found himself staring at Martha and wondering if he had ever kissed her as passionately as he remembered kissing Lionel. That was an unfair doubt and made him feel like a monster, but it still crossed his mind every once in a while. He had married Martha, he had promised to love her and dedicate his life to her, which he did. He had complete devotion to her, he had never cheated on her; he had struggled to give her everything she needed and to make her happy. But this all came with a price, he had paid for her happiness with his own.

With sudden anger, Jonathan berated himself for thinking that way again. He was happy with her; he loved her. Lionel had come and gone and nothing good would come out of thinking about that selfish, dishonest man.

//He mustn't even remember me anymore.// Jonathan told himself ignoring the pain that simple thought could bring him. But there was another thought that hurt even more, a question that burned in his heart and an answer he had never been able to accept. Would he ever forget Lionel?

~ ~

Clark sat alone in the barn, looking out and feeling sorry for himself. How could his father be so unfair? He just wanted to go see his friend, Lex. What was wrong with that? Didn't his father want him to have friends and be happy? A few frustrated tears ran down his reddened cheeks and Clark didn't bother wiping them. There was no point, there was no one here to see them.

He'd had enough of that. He wanted to be his own man, to make his own decisions. He was almost an adult and didn't want to have to obey his father's orders all the time. Jonathan's will couldn't dictate his life forever and perhaps this would be a good time to show him that. Jonathan didn't want him to see Lex, right? So maybe it was time to tell him they'd been dating for a month already and that he was in love with Lex. That's right. A real relationship, serious and mature, would show Jonathan his son wasn't a child anymore.

Standing up resolutely, Clark turned to run back to the house. He didn't take a step though.

"Clark." Lex was there, beautiful as always, coming slowly into the barn. "I had a feeling you wouldn't come."

"I wanted to." Clark said hastily, not wanting Lex to get the wrong idea.

"I know that. But I know your father too. He said you couldn't come, right?"

Clark walked over to his boyfriend without meeting his eyes. It was so embarrassing to have to ask for his dad's permission to go out, and it was even worse when he was forbidden to go. Lex was so grown and independent, Clark couldn't bring himself to answer his question, he'd feel like a baby.

"Hey, don't feel bad." Lex gently caressed Clark's cheek. "You know I admire your family, even if your father hates me."

Instead of denying that, as he usually did, Clark simply chuckled and hugged Lex. He wasn't really in the mood to defend his father right now. He kissed Lex softly and leaned his head on the boy's shoulder.

"He drives me crazy sometimes, you know?"

"Parents usually do."

Then hugged quietly for a minute and Clark's anger slowly dissipated in the serenity of that moment.

"I was going to tell my dad. About us." He confessed, already knowing Lex wouldn't be pleased, and wasn't surprised when his boyfriend held his shoulders and pushed him away slightly.

"You know that's a bad idea."

"Yes. . . I know. I just. . . I think I just wanted to shock him or. . . maybe hurt him somehow."

"Well, I can understand the desire to hurt your father, but that's still not a very good reason."

"I know that-"

"You would have told him then? If I hadn't arrived?" It wasn't really a question and Clark blushed deeply. There was something about the way Lex looked at him or maybe on the tone of voice he used whenever Clark had done something foolish, that made him want to crawl under his bed and hide.

"I guess." He mumbled and immediately tried to lessen his guilt. "But I'm not sure I'd have the guts to speak once I got face to face with my dad. I probably wouldn't."

"That's not enough, Clark. We're in this together. You can't just decide something like that without talking to me. Are you going to go telling everything about us every time you get upset? I want to be able to trust you, Clark, and I certainly can't root my confidence on the fact that you're too afraid to talk to your father. That's not nearly enough. I have to trust you because you really are strong enough to keep our secret. Because that's what we agreed was best and you respect me enough to at least tell me if you suddenly disagree."

Clark was on the verge of tears by then. He knew Lex well enough to realize he never talked so openly to anyone. And he also didn't trust anyone. But here he was telling Clark he wanted to trust him and Clark had almost ruined everything on his ridiculous teenage tantrum.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I'm sorry. I didn't want to betray you or anything. I love you. Please don't be mad." Clark said in a weepy voice and watched Lex's rigid stance soften somewhat. But now the other boy was clearly uncomfortable, as he usually got whenever Clark was being too corny.

"Yeah, it's okay. I'm not mad." Lex said turning around and moving away.

They remained in silence for a minute and once again Clark wished Lex would say he loved him back, but he knew that wasn't likely to happen. No matter how many times Clark said it, the best reply he ever got was 'I know'. He thought he had learned to accept it already, but every now and then he got insecure of Lex's feelings and wished his beautiful boyfriend would say it just once.

"I have to go back to the mansion." Lex said suddenly without turning back.

"What- Why? You just got here."

"I know, but my father is coming over today. I wanted to be there to greet him."

"Why is he coming?" Clark said confident Lex wouldn't take offense.

"What? You don't think he wants to see his beloved son?" Lex said finally looking back at his boyfriend. He had his usual sarcastic tone again and Clark immediately relaxed, chuckling softly.

"I guess he could. But do you have to go now?" He asked slipping his arms around Lex's waist and kissing the boy's neck. "Right now?"

"Well, not in this minute." Lex turned and began kissing Clark's face while slowly moving them backwards.

The snuggling pair moved carelessly until they tripped on a pitchfork and fell down on some hay laughing.

"Sex in the barn. That is so cliche." Lex said kneeling back to open his pants.

"Well. . . I never did it actually." Clark remained down smiling. Watching his boyfriend undress was one of the things he enjoyed most.

"What? You have a barn right beside your house, it's almost always deserted and you are telling me you never brought a girl here?"

"I never cared much for any girl." Clark said slightly annoyed.

"Not even Lana Lang?" Lex leaned down, pushed up Clark's shirt and began kissing the exposed chest.

Clark closed his eyes and moaned before regaining enough control to speak. "She's okay, but. . . mm. . . s-she's not you."

It was obviously the right answer for Lex replied by hastily removing Clark's clothes and kissing him hard.

~ ~

"Jonathan, would you go get Clark? I'll finish setting the table." Martha said with a distracted demeanor, but she wasn't fooling her husband.

"You want me to have a talk with him." He said frowning. "I'm not going to apologize, Martha. I really believe I did the right thing."

"You don't have to apologize, just talk to him. Make peace between you two." She turned pleading eyes to him. "I don't want to eat dinner with my husband and son not speaking to each other."

Jonathan wished he could just say no, but he knew it would hurt Martha and that was something he'd simply never do. "Fine. I'll talk to him."

He exited the house and walked over to the barn where he knew his son would be. "Clark! Clark are you in here?" He yelled stepping through the door.

If he had known that would almost give his son a heart attack, perhaps he would have called out sooner.

"Oh, my God! My dad's here." Clark whispered in panic, lying on Lex's overcoat completely naked with a boyfriend he wasn't even supposed to be friends with.

"Shh." Lex silenced him covering his mouth. "Maybe he won't find us."

They had rolled behind some large boxes, not really by a will of privacy, but by sheer luck.

"What about your car?" Clark said fighting the hand on his face.

"It's not here. I had my driver drop me off."

"Clark! Clark!" Jonathan yelled again and both boys held their breaths. If he found them like this they had no doubt there would be doom to pay.

"Where is that boy?" Clark heard his dad's steps heading back out and breathed in relief after a while.

They remained breathing in silence for a few minutes, before Clark began to laugh quietly. "God, I thought we were going to die."

"Clark, we were going to die." Came the humorless reply.

~ ~

Jonathan searched the farm for his son, not really worried yet, but definitely confused. Clark wasn't in any of his usual hiding places. Could the boy have left the farm without telling them? He walked back to the house with his head lowered in defeat. He must have really hurt Clark for the usually placid boy to have run off like that. Martha would be very upset when he told her about it.

Jonathan was silently scolding himself when he spotted something very peculiar on the ground right in front of his house. There were recent tire tracks there; more specifically those really thin marks that suggested a sports car tire. With a surge of anger, Jonathan observed the tracks led close to the barn and then turned back.

In a second he figured out the whole thing: Lex had probably come over to pick up Clark and his lovely son had probably left with his friend completely ignoring his orders.

Jonathan couldn't remember ever being so mad at Clark. This was simply unacceptable. He burst into the kitchen and retrieved his car keys, determined get his truant son back no matter what.

"Jonathan!" Martha stood back with a startled expression as her infuriated husband stormed through the room. "What-"

He was out the door before she could ask anything, walking resolutely to his car. But as he began driving away, Jonathan heard his worried wife calling out from the porch and forced himself to stop for a second.

"Jonathan, where are you going?"

"I have to go get Clark at Lex's house." He explained laconically and drove off.

~ ~

Back in the barn, Lex and Clark got dressed in a hurry then relaxed somewhat. It wouldn't be very hard to explain Lex's presence there, even if it wasn't welcome, so they didn't have much to worry about anymore.

Clark quietly picked hay fragments from his clothes when he suddenly remembered something weird Lex had said.

"You had your driver drop you off here?" He frowned. "You've never done that before."

"Actually, I've been doing it since we started dating." Lex said while cleaning up his handy overcoat. "I didn't think your father would be very happy to find me here too often."

"Oh. And how are you going back home?"

"I told the chauffer to pick me up in twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes?" Clark repeated loudly and turned an angry stare at his boyfriend.

"Yes." Lex raised his eyebrows, clearly confused by the sudden change of mood.

"Well, then I guess 'sex in the barn' isn't all that great, if you can be done so fast."

"Clark," Lex's voice took its ironic note again, "That wasn't really what I expected to do today. I came here to talk to you and I didn't want to stay long to avoid you trouble. I hadn't planned on anything else."

"If you didn't plan on doing it, then why did you start it?" Clark was still angry and if possible even angrier by seeing Lex smile cynically at him. He was waiting for a reply when his enhanced hearing caught on his mother's upset voice. Ignoring his boyfriend for a minute, Clark ran over to the barn door arriving in time to watch the final exchange between his parents.

As Jonathan drove away, Lex came up behind Clark and looked over his shoulder.

"What happened?" He asked in a confused voice.

"My father." Clark said turning a smiling face at his boyfriend. "He thinks I'm in your house. He's going there to 'pick me up'. Can you believe that?"

"Clark, we have to go after him." Lex sounded worried, which was quite unusual but this time Clark decided to ignore it.

"Why? He won't find me there and he'll just have to come back. And maybe then he'll learn to trust me." Clark cheerfully kissed Lex's face and began nuzzling at his neck. He wouldn't have seen anything wrong with the situation if Lex just relaxed and cuddled with him as he wanted. But his boyfriend obviously had other ideas. He felt himself being pushed away, and suddenly Lex's hands were firmly holding his face.

"No, Clark. Did you forget? My father will be there. Remember what happens every time they see each other?"

"Oh!" Clark froze. That wasn't good at all.

"Look, my driver will be here any minute. I'll tell him to take us there as fast as possible and you can bring your father back. And if we're very lucky my father hasn't arrived yet."

"Okay, I'll go tell my mom I'm leaving." Clark replied hesitantly. It would be much better if he could just run after his father's car. He'd probably catch him before they reached the manor and any problems would be avoided. But in these circumstances, Clark didn't have much of a choice. Lex didn't know about his powers and this wasn't the way he wished to share his secrets with his boyfriend. Besides, Lex's plan wasn't bad, it just took a little longer. And Jonathan was a grown man, he could take care of himself for a few minutes until Clark arrived to bring him home. Right?

~ ~

Driving alone in his truck, Jonathan slowly calmed down and started to realize how silly he was being. Martha would definitely say he had overreacted when he returned home. If Clark had really left with Lex, he had a right to be upset. But the problem was, coming to the conclusion his son had ran away just by some tire tracks around the house was quite farfetched. . . if not absolutely ridiculous. Clark had never done something like that, why would he do it now?

He felt stupid, but was too stubborn to turn back now. And if Clark wasn't in Lex's house, there would be no harm done. He'd simply go back home and forget the whole thing.

Jonathan began considering his relationship with Clark. He thought about their occasional confrontations and how far outnumbered they were by their happy, peaceful moments; he realized how their arguments were no match for their easy talks or companionable silences. Their relationship was something Jonathan could always be proud of. Still he concentrated on it, trying to find problems or issues he could occupy his mind with. Clark was the light in his life, that which he usually used to banish the darkness from his thoughts. And, yes, he knew that was a weak and coward solution, but today of all days, he didn't mind hiding in fear. Every year on this precise day that Jonathan remembered as the best and worst day of his life, he didn't mind his weakness in the least.

By focusing on Clark, Jonathan didn't remember. The images flew in his mind but he didn't look at them. He didn't see the young Jonathan all those years ago, skipping school to go visit his secret boyfriend in his hotel room. He painfully averted his eyes as a special morning came back to him with the strength of the passion that used to drive him in his happy youth. But it wouldn't go away, not this time. And Jonathan had no other choice but to surrender once again to his past and watch what he left behind one more time.

He saw young Jonathan arriving at school in a beautiful and warm March morning. He remembered looking around and noticing how everything seemed prettier on the spring. Of course he'd never noticed that before, in all the other springs of life, but then there hadn't been a Lionel with him.

No, the spring didn't make things prettier, Lionel did.

He chuckled at his silly romantic thoughts. Who would have known he could even have those? But that was Lionel's doing too, he brought out the best in Jonathan. It felt like they were meant to be together. Even though they kept their relationship a secret for fear of being ostracized by their family and friends. Even though at first Jonathan had fought Lionel for as long as he could, saying he was 'normal' and wouldn't date another boy. Even though Jonathan had been hurt by his own insecurities and his guilt for rejecting Lionel that way and denying his own feelings. Even though the first week or so after their unusual first kiss had brought nothing but misery for the two boys. They had eventually worked out their feelings and fears; Jonathan got over his doubts and accepted their new situation. And now that they were steady and had spent almost three months getting comfortable with each other, it felt like nothing could ever bring them apart. It felt like true love.

Jonathan stopped at the front door of his school just as that small but meaningful word struck him, 'love'. He watched as the other kids walked inside and for a second he couldn't even remember what he was doing there. But, then again, it didn't matter. Classes, teachers, his parents. . . none of that mattered at that moment. No, he had to find Lionel right now. He had to tell him and it simply couldn't wait.

Passionate as ever, Jonathan turned away from the school and ran all the way to the other side of town, to the only hotel in Smallville, where the most important person is his life could be found.

He had been there to visit Lionel almost every day during the last two months, so without hesitation, he raced up the stairs and down the second floor hallway stopping before room 23. He took a deep breath and began knocking loudly and insistently, just the way he knew Lionel hated.

"Coming! Coming!" He heard the impatient voice yelling from inside a minute before the door burst open.

"What- Jonathan!" Lionel looked surprised, but slowly a smile showed in his thin lips. "Of course. Who else would knock like that? You brat."

Jonathan smiled and immediately threw himself in Lionel's arms, kissing him enthusiastically. And after a small eternity, he backed away just enough to look at his boyfriend's eyes. "I love you."

Such small words. Formed and vanished in less than a second, but they carried all the weight of Jonathan's heart, all his hopes and fears, all his violent passions, every drop of his deepest and most private feelings. They meant the world for Jonathan.

But Lionel didn't reply. Not only that, he also didn't show any emotion at all. Lionel simply stared blankly at his poor boyfriend for a few seconds, during which Jonathan thought he would just die.

"I. . . I'm sorry." Jonathan moved out of their embrace, feeling like a complete fool. They had been dating for only a few months. How could he just throw that in Lionel's face? It was way too soon to start exchanging vows of eternal love. He was such an idiot. "I'm sorry, Lionel. I shouldn't have said that."

"No!" Lionel suddenly held Jonathan's face and gave him the gentlest kiss, just a sweet brush of lips. "It's okay. I was just surprised. I. . . I love you too."

"Lionel, you don't have to say anything-"

"No, I'm not just saying. Jonathan, you know me well enough to realize I wouldn't say something I don't really mean."

"But. . . Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't want to scare you. The truth is I've know that since that day we kissed at your school." Lionel said leading Jonathan into the bedroom and closing the door.

"You did?"

"Well, you don't think I'd insist on stalking a guy who kept telling me to get lost, if I wasn't feeling something really special, do you?"

"Guess not." Jonathan sat down on the bed chuckling softly. He was a lot more at ease now and he also felt how important this moment was for them, even if they talked as if nothing different had happened. "So I surprised you, hmm? Didn't think that was possible."

Lionel laughed and lay down on the bed, bringing Jonathan with him. "Well, it's not impossible, but it is extremely hard." He said between kisses.

Jonathan kicked off his shoes and relaxed against Lionel. He lazily began playing with his boyfriend's hair, while Lionel kissed him repeatedly.

"Are you coming to my school today?" He asked after a minute.

"Mmm. . . yeah, I have to go see Mr. Jacobs."

"See Mr. Jacobs. That's all you ever do. You never go see me!" Jonathan turned his face from Lionel with a childish pout.

"You're jealous? Jonathan, I have to see him if I ever want to finish my research. I've already explained it to you. And I can't visit you at school all the time, people will get suspicious."

"Yes, but on the few times you came to see me, you stayed for like ten minutes and when you go see him you spend hours. Is it so great to spend time with a stupid teacher or do you just think I'm boring?" Jonathan insisted on his complains just to bug Lionel, but when his boyfriend smiled at him, he knew he wasn't fooling him.

"You're not boring at all, Jonathan. Do you want me to show you just how 'not boring' you are?" Lionel asked, slipping his hand under Jonathan's shirt to caress his nipples.

"Oh, yes, please." Jonathan whispered back arching to the soft touch.

He allowed the older boy to take off their shirts and kiss him all over his chest. Oh, this was definitely not boring. The cuddled for a good while and Jonathan let himself get lost in the feelings. Lionel sure knew what he was doing. The man could make magic with that wicked tongue of his and his mischievous fingers. In no time Jonathan was sprawled on the bed with his arms carelessly thrown upwards, so nothing would stay on the way of what could give him so much pleasure. Lionel touched him skillfully making Jonathan moan and move according to his will. He removed Jonathan's pants, but the boy didn't even notice, though he did sigh in relief when his hardened cock was finally released. Lionel kept moving over him; he was in complete control until suddenly Jonathan reached down and began tugging at his pants.

As boyfriends, Lionel and Jonathan had shared sexual experiences, had given each other pleasure and touched one another. But Jonathan was afraid of moving too fast, he feared these situations could get out of hand and that they might do something they'd both regret later. So early in their relationship, they had settled a rule never to be naked at the same time.

Lionel froze above Jonathan and stared at him with a frown. But the other boy kept pulling his pants down determinedly.

"Jonathan, what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" Jonathan replied absently. "I'm taking your clothes off."

"I thought we had agreed not to do that together." Lionel objected though he didn't move to stop Jonathan.

"But that was before. I don't want to wait anymore; I want to do it for real with you. And I don't think we're rushing anything. It's about time." Jonathan was flushed with excitement, but his voice was firm and not quavering. He knew this was right and he knew Lionel wanted it too.

When Lionel's clothes were finally discarded, they lay back on the bed and began making love very slowly. Jonathan had asked for it, but he couldn't deny he was scared. He'd never done that before and he had no idea what to expect. Also, Lionel was experienced and he didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of him. Wisely enough, he carefully watched what Lionel was doing and tried to mimic the movements. And that would have worked just fine. . . in any other situation but sex. Obviously it didn't take long at all for Jonathan to forget about everything and give himself up to the moment. He breathed hard, moaned and even made some other weird sounds he'd never be able to describe afterwards.

It was a mind-blowing situation and it certainly blew his mind when Lionel suddenly moved off of him and ran to the bathroom. Jonathan was completely taken aback by that, but given the circumstances, he didn't see what else he could do: he jerked off and came alone on the bed. He sighed contently burying his head on the pillows and considered taking a quick nap. That was out of a question of course, especially since Lionel came back into the room and began yelling at him.

"What did you do? I just left for a second to get the lube and you couldn't wait?"

"Oh. . . I'm sorry." Jonathan looked up at Lionel with the silly smile of someone recently satisfied. "I didn't know. I thought you were just gone."

"Jonathan! Damned it!" Lionel jumped on the bed again and threw the lube bottle on the bedside table. "I don't care how, but we're going to have sex now. And you'd better get hard again real fast, do you hear me?"

And they did have sex that day, actually they spent most of the day doing just that. Jonathan could thank his youthful health for the remarkable deed. It'd take him a lot longer to recover nowadays, but back then Lionel didn't even have to work very hard. Actually they just snuggled for a minute and Jonathan was all ready again. How amazing is that? He smiled slightly at the memory.

But that was in the past. Those cheery, carefree times were over. And they had been over way too fast. On that very day his world crumbled and the wonderful thing he had with Lionel had been completely destroyed. Well, not completely, it had left some part of itself behind, but too little to bring any happiness to his life and just enough to prevent him from being happy ever again. Nothing would ever compare to that and he'd never forget. On that very day, Jonathan's life was ruined.

~ ~

Jonathan drove up to the Luthor's manor and parked out front. A well-dressed butler opened the door before he even knocked and let him inside the house without a word. That wasn't very normal, but it wasn't entirely unexpected, the Luthors were an odd bunch.

Having been there a few times before, Jonathan easily found his way to Lex's office and walked inside unceremoniously. But his determined stance didn't last long when he got face to face with the last person he wished to see on this day.

"Jonathan, what a nice surprise." Lionel sat on a comfy chair and had his usual cynic smile. "Please take a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"No." Jonathan sat down without really thinking and immediately stood again with an angry frown. "I didn't come to visit, Lionel. I'm looking for my son."

"Oh, that's a shame." Lionel took a sip of his Scotch and eyed Jonathan keenly. "Clark, isn't it? Did he run away?"

"No, he didn't run away. He's just not at home and I thought he might have come here." Jonathan said angrily. He hated the way Lionel gave him those knowing looks and used that tone that made Jonathan feel discreetly attacked.

"I see." Lionel smiled again and Jonathan realized he hadn't bought the explanation. "Well, I haven't seen him around here."

Jonathan immediately turned to leave. He'd spent more than enough time in this place already. But Lionel wasn't finished.

"I'm sorry I can't help you keep your son this time." Lionel usually found a way to bring up Clark's adoption when they talked alone, and sometimes even around others. Jonathan couldn't understand why his former lover enjoyed hurting him like this, but he was slowly learning to accept that. Unfortunately, today he wasn't in his best mood.

Spinning around, Jonathan took a few steps and stood ferociously just above Lionel's serene figure on the chair.

"You know, I'm tired of you. You did me a great favor. Okay, I admit it. But I paid you back. And you know I paid a lot. When are you going to leave me be? Don't you have anyone else to torture? Why do you keep doing this, Lionel? Why?"

"Jonathan-" Lionel chuckled and was about to give one of his ironic replies when Jonathan suddenly pulled him up by his collar and held their faces an inch from each other.

"Answer me, Lionel!" Jonathan said still trying to be angry, but his eyes were filled with tears by then and his voice faltered with emotion. "I loved you once. And you said you loved me. So why? Why do you insist on hurting me like this?"

Ever since they had broken up, they had never talked about their relationship anymore. It was like a silent agreement to just pretend they had never been together. But now Jonathan was breaking that rule; he was letting his heart do the talking and neither man could tell where that would lead them.

And when their eyes met, Jonathan and Lionel could barely believe it. They weren't the grown and bitter eyes they'd been using for so long anymore. No, they saw each other through their young and innocent eyes, the ones that could see inside, the real ones. And for the first time, since their last day as lovers, Jonathan and Lionel actually looked at each other.

Jonathan waited for an answer, but it didn't come, not through words anyway. As he looked into the eyes of the one he loved he saw nothing but pain, such great pain that it matched his own. And his heart clenched despite his desire to be mad at this man. He wanted so much to be angry, he wanted to attack Lionel, he wanted to hurt him. . . But Lionel was already hurt.

They looked at each other for an eternity, but eventually Jonathan's heart won the fight and he moved to kiss Lionel. They were already so close it should be easy, but there seemed to be so much between them. And Jonathan just didn't know how to get to Lionel anymore. It was so hard and so scary, Jonathan tried to hide by closing his eyes. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for he immediately missed Lionel's eyes, but he was richly rewarded when their lips suddenly connected. That was it; they were kissing, just like old times. They could still do it. They just brushed their lips for a while, hesitantly trying each other after all that time apart. But the feel was the same, Lionel's taste was just as it used to be, it was familiar and comfortable and safe. And soon Jonathan let go of Lionel's collar and wrapped his arms around the body he cherished so much. The shy kiss turned deep and rushed. They wanted each other more than ever, their bodies demanded each other, they needed to remember, to feel again.

Jonathan began feeling the old surge of excitement only Lionel could bring him. The same one he felt every time Lionel touched him, the one he felt so intensely when they made love that day. That day. . .

"No!" Jonathan pushed Lionel strongly and the man fell back against the chair. He turned away clutching his hair with both hands and yelling almost hysterically. "No, no, no! This is wrong! Wrong!"

But his hysterics didn't last long, for Lionel suddenly turned him around and started shaking him and shouting at his face. "You want to now why I do what I do? You're angry because I hurt? Yes? And what did you do to me? Did you not hurt me?"

"You lied to me." Jonathan briskly shoved Lionel's hands away and stared back defiantly.

"Because I was afraid you'd leave me if I told the truth. Thanks for proving me wrong, Jonathan. Thanks for showing me just how much your so called love meant to you."

Lionel's words hurt a lot, but Jonathan forced himself to ignore that and give a sensible answer.

"I left you because you didn't see what did as something wrong, Lionel. If you had accepted that, I would have stayed. But I just couldn't be with someone who doesn't even know right from wrong. That would be worse for us both."

"I did what I had to do. How can you not see that?" Lionel's voice sounded despaired in a way Jonathan had never expected to hear from him, and never wished to either.

"That's the problem, Lionel. We have different ways of seeing things. And now look at what you did. You spent the last twenty years trying to hurt me anyway you can."

"That's not what I wanted to do!" That was more than Jonathan could take. It was such an absurd lie Jonathan suddenly felt enraged beyond belief.

"No? Clark's adoption! The way you used that to make me do things I didn't want to do. The way you remind me of that every time we meet. You didn't want to hurt me? What, you think I'm stupid?" Jonathan's voiced raised more at every word.

"No, Jonathan, I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to show you-"

"Show me what?"

"Show you that you too would do whatever you had to do for your family. That right and wrong are not so clear when their well being is involved. That I didn't have a choice any more than you did." Lionel spoke in such a subdued way it cut right through Jonathan's anger. His pleading tone spoke straight to Jonathan's heart. And that was such an unfair advantage.

Jonathan gruffly turned away from Lionel and tried to stop himself from thinking how that made sense. It couldn't make sense. What was wrong, was wrong, and there were no deviations to that rule. His parents had taught him that early in life. Of course they had also taught him homosexuals were followers of the devil, but. . .

"Can't you understand, Jonathan? I made your teacher testify against my father's rival. And, yes, I made him lie in court. Yes, I used a debt he had with us to force him to obey me and he'll probably hate me forever for that. But I did it because that man wanted to harm my parents, because he'd steal my father's company if he hadn't been sent to jail back then."

Jonathan didn't want to talk about that. He remembered that day when he arrived late at school just for football practice and had run into Mr. Jacobs. He remembered giving the message Lionel had sent that he would be coming there later that day for another meeting with the teacher. And he also remembered how upset Jacobs got and how he began talking fast and ended up telling Jonathan the whole story. And most of all he remembered running back to the hotel to confront Lionel and how his heart broke when he discovered it was true. That Lionel had indeed blackmailed an honest teacher into falsely accusing a man in order to get him in jail, just because he was creating problems for Luthor Corp.

"He didn't commit that crime, Lionel." Jonathan said softly. He knew that wasn't much for Lionel, but honesty had always been everything to him.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean he didn't commit a thousand others. The man was dirty, Jonathan, and he was after my family. I had to protect them. What else was I supposed to do?" Jonathan could understand that. He had no doubt he'd probably do the darkest things to protect his family. But it was still so hard accept what Lionel had done. And he also knew Luthor Corp wasn't all that clean either, but then again, nothing in the business world seemed clean in Jonathan's eyes.

"I. . . I don't know, Lionel. But I know that now you're dirty too."

"I had a good reason. Like you had a good reason when you convinced the Rosses to sell their factory." Lionel stepped closer to Jonathan and gently held his shoulders.

"Jonathan, I'm sorry I hurt you. And I am sorry I put you through all that. But it seemed like the only way to make you see things the way I do. I only did all that because I had hoped you'd finally understand. . . and you'd come back to me."

"You. . . There are other ways to do that." Honesty really was everything to Jonathan. But was it more than love?

"Yes, I know. But I didn't see it. I was blind, Jonathan. I was in love. I am in love."

"Oh, Lionel. I can't believe you're saying that."

"I know. You have all the right to hate me. I understand. But I know you have this obsession with honesty and I thought since we're putting everything out in the open I should just tell you the whole truth and-"

"Lionel, shut up! I don't hate you, okay? And I. . . I understand now. But you should have known I wouldn't be able to understand on my own. It was way too complicated for me." Jonathan chuckled a little then held his lover's face and looked into his eyes trying to show him all the strength of his emotions, in a way he knew words could not. "I love you too."

They just stared for a long moment and quietly removed their hands from one another. There was no more need for that. They felt once again safe in their love, there was no need to hold tight, it wasn't about to escape them anymore.

"Do you think perhaps we can meet some time? Like old times, you can run away to see me?" Lionel suggested softly, but without a hint of his earlier frailty.

Before Jonathan could answer though, two inopportune young men burst into the room. Clark and Lex walked inside determinately as if they were about to save the day, but the grown-ups were too lost in each other to pay heed to them. And also they'd been parents for long enough to have learnt to ignore their children when they were being inconvenient.

Clark saw the two men staring at each other and immediately ran over to his father pushing him away from Lionel. He was glad they had arrived before things got out of hand, but it was obvious the atmosphere was tense in the room.

"Dad. Dad. Dad!" Clark called a few times to get his father's attention. The man just kept looking at Lionel. Maybe things were worse than he had thought at first. "Dad, please, let's go home."

"Clark, what are you doing here?" Jonathan asked frowning.

"I came to get you, dad. Let's go home now, please." Clark insisted pushing his father to the door.

"Okay. Let's go, son." Jonathan allowed himself to be pushed away and shot Lionel just one more glance before he was out the door. It was enough. Lionel would know.

Father and son walked in silence to the car and they were about halfway home when Clark finally had the guts to speak.

"Mmm. . . Dad, are you mad at me?"

"No, son, of course not." Jonathan said in an unexpected cheerful voice. "What about you? Are you still mad at me?"

"No." Clark lowered his head blushing.

"Listen, son, I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier today. I. . . I was harder on you than I intended."

"It's okay, dad." Clark answered without looking up. He didn't want to argue with his father anymore and this was just the kind of talk that could lead to that.

"And I was also very unfair."

"What?" That wasn't exactly what Clark expected and it definitely got his attention.

"You were right I was unfair. I judge people without really knowing them, or their reasons." Jonathan would never say something like that just to tease and Clark didn't know what to make of those words. He frowned at his father as if he was seeing a different person; that certainly wasn't the Jonathan he knew.

"What you saying, dad?"

Jonathan chuckled and pulled over. He wanted to fully concentrate on this talk.

"What I'm saying, son, is that you were right. I don't know Lex, so I can't judge him. You two seem to get along really well and maybe I should trust you and let you choose your own friends."

"You mean-" Clark showed a half-smile and Jonathan replied by giving him a full one.

"Yes, I mean I won't forbid you from seeing Lex anymore."

"Oh, dad." Clark leaned over and hugged his father tightly. This meant so much to him. It gave him hope that eventually he might be able to tell his parents about his real feelings for Lex without being rejected. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, son." Jonathan brushed Clark's hair as the boy sat back down. "I just want you to promise me not to get into trouble with that boy. 'Cause I heard he's a trouble maker."

"Get into trouble? How old do you think I am, dad? Five?"

"Oh, don't give that crap. I know teenagers get into trouble too. I've been one, remember." Jonathan started the car again and Clark snorted by his side.

"Yeah, like a hundred years ago."

"Why, you brat!"

"I'm surprised you remember." Clark laughed heartedly. It felt great to be in good terms with his dad again. But it was even better to know they wouldn't be fighting so much anymore, now that the 'Lex issue' was settled.

Jonathan looked at the happy boy laughing by his side and shook his head smiling. Clark had no idea what he really represented for him. In all this time, after everything Jonathan had gone through, all the pain he had endured, there was one thing that made it all worth it. If Clark weren't in his life, he'd have spent all this time looking at Martha and feeling terrible for not being able to love her. And he did feel that way, but as always Clark was the light of his life. He made everything bearable. And of course, if it weren't for Clark, he'd never have approached the Luthors again. If it weren't for him, he wouldn't have gone to the Luthor mansion today. And if it weren't for him, Jonathan wouldn't have been reunited with the one he loves and this day wouldn't have turned into the best day of his life again.

The End