Disclaimer: Not mine, but I promise to put them right back. Honest...

The universe demands balance. They taught us that in school, basic physics stuff. My fucking 'father' drilled it into my head again as I weighed my choice. Why didn't I listen? I acted with my heart and not my head. I reacted as a child. I can't, I won't, make that mistake again.

I'd just lost the person I loved, I was in shock. I had all this power at my fingertips, it was my legacy, why the hell shouldn't I use it? It was so damned easy to rationalize it, all I could feel was the gaping hole in my heart where she'd been. But, that's no excuse; some part of my brain still knew that there'd be a terrible price. That by saving her I condemned someone else I loved to die. Would it have made a difference if I'd known? God, I don't know. That's a question I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.

I tried, I tried so hard to save him, to correct the awful thing I'd put in motion. I got him to the ER in the space of a single breath. I didn't care right then if the whole fucking town had seen me, it was my dad. He was dying... dead because of me.

They did everything. For over an hour they worked to bring him back but it was too late. When the doctor came out to talk to us he said the damage was extensive, that Dad was lost before he ever hit the ground. My mom shattered, falling against me. I held on tight, unable to cry, knowing in my heart of hearts that this was the price, the terrible bargain I'd made.

Now, Mom sits at the window, watching, his boots by the doorway, alone and unclaimed. Shelby waits in the yard, confused, her quiet whimpers showing that even she realizes that Dad is gone.

Mom's eyes are black with pain whenever she looks at me and all I can see are the losses I've given them; my little sister, my father's health, the financial ruin barely kept at bay as they worked so hard to hide me, to keep me safe from harm. No matter how many lies I tell myself, no matter what sweet words of comfort she gives me, I look at my mom and know the cost was too damned high. I'm not worth it.

I'm not some special gift to the world. My 'powers' are an accident of birth, I didn't earn them. I've been selfish, unthinking. I've been a greedy, self-absorbed bastard to those around me and a good man has died because he made the mistake of loving me.

My dad wasn't a saint; he could be pig-headed. I learned to be so damned stubborn at the knees of a master. But I also know that, no matter what, he always tried to do the right thing. Somehow, somewhere, I'll find a way to make it up to him, to both of them.

I'll figure out a way to stop hurting all of my friends. They shouldn't have to pay for my own ineptitude. I won't be a pawn, not for Jor-el, not for anyone, ever again. This is my home, this is my world, no matter where I started.

Whenever I'm lost I'll remember the safety of my Dad's arms wrapped tight around me. I'll know that a 'fragile human', even knowing the cost, gave his life for me. No matter how many times I stumble, and I will, no matter how long it takes; somehow I'll learn to be the man within my father's eyes.

fin

'When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.'