Straight Up

by Caroline

http://linabean4.tripod.com

Includes canon up through Metamorphosis.

DISCLAIMER: If you're fifteen too, and you think it's fun to get drunk with your friends, it's true, it is fun. But it can also be dangerous. So be careful. Also, I didn't come up with these characters.

NOTES: Aw, man, I know I said I was gonna write nasty sex. It'll be along. I just wanted to write this for some reason.

FEEDBACK: It does things to me. Good things.

Straight Up
by Caroline
fannishbean@gmail.com

"Mom, I'm goin' over to Pete's!" Clark called from the door.

His mom came into the kitchen. "You want me to give you a ride?"

"Nah," Clark said. "I'll walk. Run. You know."

His mom nodded. "Okay. You got your toothbrush?"

Clark smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Mom."

"Okay. Have fun," his mom said. "You got a clean pair of underwear?"

Clark laughed. "Yes, Mom." He opened the door.

"Well, give me a kiss," his mom said.

Clark shook his head, walked over and pecked her on the cheek. "All right. I'm going. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"By ten?"

"Yes, Mom," Clark said. As he headed out, adjusting his backpack, he muttered, "I'm fifteen, you know."

"I know, sweetie," his mom said.

He slammed the door, yelling, "Don't call me that!"

He could hear his mom laughing behind him.

"Hey, Pete," Clark said.

"Hey, come in," Pete said. "Drop your backpack right there."

Clark shrugged it off. "When's Chloe gonna get here?"

"She's in the kitchen," Pete said. "Making dip."

Clark squinted. "Is that the thing...with the Velveeta...?"

"Shh!" Pete said. "Don't knock her dip."

Clark collapsed into an easy chair. "Oh, I'm not. Velveeta. Yum."

Chloe came in, holding a dish of dip and a bowl of corn chips. She set them on the coffee table. "Hey, Clark," she said brightly.

Clark raised his hand in greeting.

"So it's just us?" Chloe said.

Pete said, "Well, I figured since my parents are out of town, I should have a big party and invite everyone I know."

"So it's just us," Chloe said.

"Yeah," Pete said. "Except my brother's gonna be here soon."

"Stephen's coming back from college?" Chloe asked.

"Just for the weekend," Pete said.

"Yeah, but, Jesus," Chloe said. "Once I get out of Smallville I'm never coming back."

"We know," Clark said.

"Well, my parents said I wasn't allowed to stay here by myself, and Stephen volunteered for babysitter duty," Pete said.

"That should be okay, right?" Clark said. "Stephen's cool."

"Yeah, he'll leave us alone," Pete said.

Clark scooped into the dish with a chip. "Mmm. Dip."

Chloe smiled at him.

Pete perched on the couch. "So what do you guys wanna do?"

"Ooh!" Chloe said. She went over to her backpack and unzipped it. "I've got..." she said, holding up some videos, "...The Blair Witch Project..."

"No," Clark said. "You made me watch that last time and I couldn't leave the house for a--"

"And an oldie but a goodie..." Chloe continued, ratting a tape in its box, "The Exorcist."

"Chloe," Clark said. "And you shut up, Pete."

Pete was lying on his side, giggling. "Clark, man, you're such a wuss..."

"Finally, let us not forget," Chloe said, "Children of the Corn."

"Augh!" Clark said. "Why can't we play basketball or something?"

"I just made dip, Clark," Chloe said.

"I know," Clark said. "And it's really good, it's just..."

"No, it's all right," Chloe said. "We can put it in the fridge. We should leave the movies till it gets dark out, anyway."

Clark made a small noise in the back of his throat.

Pete snorted.

Clark pointed at him. "I am going to kick your ass at basketball."

"Yeah, okay," Pete said. "But you forget about my secret weapon."

"What's that," Clark said warily.

Pete lifted his finger, then bent it. "Redddd...rummmm..." his voice creaked out. "Redrum!"

Clark leapt at him and put him in a headlock. "I have goosebumps now! Do you see that?"

"I can't really see anything," Pete said, his voice muffled.

Chloe laughed at them as she carried the dip back into the kitchen.

They were still grappling when Chloe came back in. "Clark, let Pete go," Chloe said. "Clark. Let him go. Clark. You're bigger than he is."

"He is not!" Pete said, squirming under Clark's arm.

"Clark," Chloe said. "Let Pete go."

Clark glanced over at her. "You know, you're next." He let Pete go.

Chloe clapped her hands. "Basketball!"

They were out on the driveway. Chloe twirled the ball on her fingertip. "Okay, it's me and Pete against Clark," she said.

"Why is it always two against me?" Clark said.

"Because you're taller than the two of us put together," Chloe said.

"That's not true; if Pete stood on your shoulders--"

She tossed him the ball. "You've got possession."

"Right," Clark said. He rolled his shoulders and jumped up and down a couple of times.

"What is he doing?" Chloe said to Pete.

"He's getting ready," Pete said.

"Be the ball; be the ball," Clark was saying quietly.

Chloe had moved over closer to the basket. "Are you done now?" she called.

"Yes," Clark said. He bounced the ball in to Pete.

Pete bounced it back.

Clark hunkered down, slowly dribbling, passing the ball from hand to hand. "Kent's got the ball," he muttered. "The Smallville Midgets have the homecourt advantage, but Kent is here with a grudge to settle. Kent is outfoxing them with his superior guile at this very moment--"

Pete was hunched down too, mirroring Clark's movements. "--but little do the Doofusville Giants know that Kent is going to distract himself with his pathetic attempts at trash-talking and will be dizzy from his fear of Mighty Pete--"

Clark straightened up. "'Mighty Pete'?"

Pete snatched the ball out of his hands. "--who will steal the ball and pass it to Showy Chloe--"

He tossed it to Chloe.

"Hey!" Clark said.

"--who will shoot," Pete went on, "and sc--" He gave Chloe a disappointed look. "Chloe, you were supposed to score."

"The sun was in my eyes," she said.

Pete sighed.

"And what the hell is that, 'Showy Chloe'?"

Pete shrugged. "There aren't that many words that rhyme with 'Chloe.'"

"Oh, well, if we're doing rhymes," Chloe said, "you can be Peter the Mosquiter."

"Okay, it went out of bounds; my ball," Clark said.

"You were supposed to score," Pete said to Chloe.

She gestured to the glare coming from the west. "Directly in my eyes!"

"Not really," Pete said.

"Or 'Millimeter Peter,' you could be," Chloe said.

Clark bounced the ball in from the edge of the driveway.

Chloe bounced it back to him.

"With his brilliant maneuvering abilities..." Clark was muttering.

He spun around Chloe and shot.

It bounced off the rim.

"Dammit!" Clark said.

Pete got the rebound and tried a couple times to dart around Clark, who was waving his arms. Desperately, Pete tried to pass it to Chloe.

Clark grabbed it out of the air and shot.

It bounced off the backboard.

"Dammit!" Clark said.

Chloe caught it and made a clean shot. "Yes!" She pumped her fist in the air.

"Hey," Pete said, nodding.

"See, I can score," she said.

"You can," Pete said.

"I've got gaaaame," Chloe said.

"You do," Pete said.

"Two-nothing, Clark. Your ball," Chloe said.

"Okay," Clark said. He shifted from foot to foot. "Be the ball; be the ball..."

"Oh for Christ's sake," Chloe said.

"All right," Clark said.

She bounced the ball back to him.

He dribbled around her, then shot over Pete's flailing arms.

The ball went sailing over the backboard.

"Dammit!" Clark said.

"Maybe you should try being the hoop," Pete suggested.

"Shut up," Clark said.

Pete leaned over, hands on his knees. He wiped his brow with the collar of his T-shirt.

"That's disgusting," Chloe said.

"What?" Pete said. "The pros do it all the time."

"That doesn't mean it's not disgusting," she said.

"I'm just supposed to let the sweat get in my eyes?" Pete said.

"Yes," Chloe said.

"Ah-ha," Clark said. "Dissension among the ranks." He rubbed his chin. "My plan is working perfectly."

Chloe laughed at him. "Clark, you're losing."

"I am nearly winning," Clark said.

"Sixteen-fourteen," Pete said. "Your ball."

"All right," Clark said. He took a deep breath and brought the ball in-bounds.

He dribbled slowly, looking guardedly between Chloe and Pete.

Chloe rushed forward in front of him, getting in his face. He twisted away from her and got ready to shoot. She grabbed his ass.

"Whoa!" Clark yelled, the ball arcing high in the air to land nearly in front of him. "Foul!"

"What?" Chloe asked innocently.

"That is totally against the rules!" Clark said.

Pete snickered.

"I just wanted to see if you could score under pressure," Chloe said. "Because you can't really score when you're not under pressure, so--"

Clark narrowed his eyes. "I'm taking my foul shots."

Clark stood behind the designated, invisible foul line and started bouncing the ball, curling his lip slightly.

"Five bucks says he won't make either shot," Pete said.

"I'm not taking that bet," Chloe said. "What am I, stupid?"

"I hate you both," Clark said. He crouched, waited a moment, then shot the ball.

The ball went wide. Really wide, far to the left.

Chloe and Pete watched the ball bounce, roll, then finally come to a stop.

"Hey, Clark?" Pete said.

"What," Clark said.

"You see the basket right there?" Pete asked.

"Yeah," Clark said.

"That's what you're supposed to be aiming for," he said. "Right there."

"Thanks, Petey," Clark said.

Chloe smirked. "We just wanted to make sure you knew that, Clark, because otherwise we'd have an unfair advantage--"

"Shut it," Clark said, jogging to get the ball.

He came back to the invisible foul line. He rolled his shoulders, then crouched and shot.

"Ha!" he said. "Nothin' but net!"

"That wasn't a bad shot," Chloe allowed.

"You both owe me five bucks," Clark said.

"Oh no," Pete said. "You didn't take the bet."

"Whatever," Clark said.

"Hey, isn't it about time for this game to be over?" Pete said.

"Nope," Chloe said. "We're going to twenty. We are going to win. The game will not be over until victory is ours."

"I'm getting kind of hungry," Clark said.

"Well, getting your ass kicked is hungry work," Chloe nodded.

"I am behind by one point!" Clark said indignantly.

"Okay, let's say sudden death," Pete said. "Next basket wins it."

"All right," Clark said.

"Fine," Chloe said.

She took the ball out past the invisible three-point line, glancing between Pete and the basket. She shifted to move around Clark.

Clark snatched the ball from her and strode to the basket, took to the air, and made a decisive slam dunk.

Pete stared at him.

After a moment, Chloe said, "I think ya kinda traveled there, buddy."

"I know," Clark said. "But it was cool, right?"

"Since when can you do that?" Pete said.

"I've been practicing," Clark said. "I am stronnng."

Pete blinked. "Huh."

Clark pushed his thigh forward. "Here, feel my muscle."

"I'm not feeling your muscle," Chloe said.

Clark shrugged. "Okay." He struck a few bodybuilder's poses.

Pete and Chloe laughed.

"Okay, I think it ends in a tie," Pete said.

"Wait, that's not a tie," Chloe said. "He traveled."

"Yeah, but it was sufficiently impressive to allow for a tie," Pete said.

"Thank you," Clark said.

"You know, Clark," Pete said, "if you've got moves like that, all you have to do is work on your lay-up, your foul shot, your shots from inside the paint, and your three-point shots, and you'll be ready for the team."

Clark slung his arm over Pete's shoulders. "I appreciate that, little guy."

"Okay, what are we getting for pizza?" Chloe said, holding the cordless phone.

Clark stretched out on the couch. "Anything's fine with me."

"Really?" Chloe said. "Anchovies?"

"Sure," Clark said.

"Spinach? Artichokes?"

"Sure," Clark said.

"Pineapple?"

Clark looked at her. "Pineapple with the anchovies?"

"No, that would be on a separate pizza," Chloe said.

"That's fine," Clark said.

"We're getting one with pepperoni and one with double cheese," Pete said. "That's it."

Chloe sighed. "Pete, you have to learn to have a spirit of adventure."

"Pepperoni and cheese," Pete said. "And none of this vegetable crap."

Clark flopped over onto his stomach. "We have to have vegetables. So we grow up hale and hearty."

"We've got nutritious apples here," Pete said.

Clark groaned. "I am about appled out."

"There's no such thing as too many apples," Pete said. "Okay, give me the phone, Chloe. I don't trust you to make the call."

Chloe rolled her eyes and handed him the phone. Pete made the order.

"Okay, what movie are we gonna watch?" Chloe asked.

"Not Blair Witch," Clark said into the couch pillow.

"I've got Apocalypse Now," Chloe said.

Clark sat up. "Oh, cool."

"We are not watching Apocalypse Now," Pete said. "That is one boring-ass movie."

"It's a modern classic," Clark said. "Based on a classic work of literature."

"You haven't even read Heart of Darkness," Pete scoffed.

Clark shrugged. "No, but I know it's a classic work of literature."

"'What do we want?' 'Apocalypse!'" Chloe was chanting softly. "'When do we want it?' 'Now!'"

Clark laughed. Chloe grinned and sat down next to him.

Pete sat opposite them with his feet up on the coffee table.

"It's almost Halloween," Pete said. "We gotta watch a scary movie."

"Let's watch a nice Halloween movie," Clark said. "Like, remember how we used to watch E.T. and eat Reese's Pieces?"

"Yeah," Pete said. "That was when we were five."

"You guys watched E.T. and ate Reese's Pieces together?" Chloe said.

"When we were five," Pete emphasized.

"That's so sweet!" she said.

"All right, Clark, if you want one of your sci-fi movies," Pete said, "we can watch Men in Black."

Clark winced. "With the...the giant bug?"

"Oh, right," Pete said. "Yeah, let's not watch that one."

"It's fine with me," Chloe said.

Clark turned to look at her. "That whole thing with Greg didn't completely freak you out?"

"It was...definitely odd," Chloe said. "But, really, it's normal for around here. The amount of unacknowledged freakish phenomena around here is mind-boggling. It's like we live in Sunnydale or something."

"Yeah, that shit with the web and the carcass and the skin molts was like an X-Files episode," Pete said.

"Except it's real," Clark said. "Doesn't that make it a little difficult for you to sleep at night?"

"Well..." Pete said evasively.

"I've had nightmares," Clark said.

"Yeah, me too," Pete admitted.

"I've never had a nightmare," Chloe said. "In my entire life."

Clark sighed. "Chloe, I know you want to be the first fifteen-year-old to win the Pulitzer or something, but put aside your journalistic objectivity for a second and just agree with us that what happened was scary."

"I know it was scary," Chloe said. "But I'd been pretty much prepared for it. This kind of stuff happens all the time here."

"And you don't find that scary?" Pete said.

"Well, we seem to be doing all right," Chloe said. "Who knows, maybe most small towns are like this. Legends and folklore have to have some sort of basis in reality..."

"Most small towns haven't been assaulted by deadly radioactive meteors," Pete said.

Clark shifted uncomfortably.

"Yes, but if each isolated town has gone through something strange, in their isolation, the inhabitants might be afraid to seek outside validation. Each town assumes it is unique, when in fact what we consider to be weird may be the norm."

Pete held his hands up and shook his head. "What I'm saying is, we should maybe be a little more vigilant. If one guy--who used to be a friend of mine, if that's not freaky enough--could stumble upon these body-snatcher insects, who knows how many more mutant animals are out there? Or what about the meteors themselves? They may have carried some kind of...alien bacteria on them or something."

"Well, we've been okay for twelve years..." Clark said weakly.

"Except for all the instances documented on the Wall of the Weird," Chloe said.

"Yeah," Clark said, looking down at his knees.

"I think we should watch a movie," Pete said.

Clark looked away from the TV screen over to Chloe. "You're not eating the crusts?" he said, his mouth full of pizza.

"No," Chloe said.

Clark swallowed. "That's a waste of food."

"Oh, you gonna eat 'em?"

"Sure," Clark said, picking one up and dunking it in the dip. He took a bite, then smiled. "Good."

Chloe made a face and shook her head.

The front door opened. Clark, Chloe and Pete turned their heads toward the front hallway.

"Hey, kids," Stephen called.

He walked into the room, a young woman following him.

"Oh, look, Ferris Bueller's on," he said.

"Yeah, we rescued it in from the annals of history," Pete said.

"The annals of what? That is a movie from my childhood!"

Pete snorted. "You were, what, seven when it came out?"

"Six," Stephen said. "But that's not the point. You guys don't even remember the eighties, do you?"

"You're an old man, Steve," Pete said.

"Whippersnappers," Stephen muttered. "Hey, Chloe, how ya doin', sweetie?"

"I'm good," she said. She turned to Pete. "What gave your brother the impression that I'm sweet?"

Pete shrugged. "You'll have to ask him."

"Because," Stephen answered her, "you're kind enough to hang out with this kid and bring a little joy to his life." He ruffled her hair.

Chloe smiled. "I guess I'm sweet at that. You know I took him to Homecoming?"

Stephen nodded. "A fact for which my parents will be eternally grateful." He nodded at Clark. "How are you, man?"

"Not bad," Clark said.

"I swear, you're taller every time I see you," Stephen said.

"He can slam dunk now," Pete told his brother.

Stephen looked at Clark appraisingly. "Oh yeah? Cool."

"He can't do it without traveling," Chloe interjected.

Stephen shrugged. "Well, it takes practice. You'll get it."

Clark nodded. "Are we gonna get an introduction?" he asked.

"I was just getting to that," Stephen said. "Kids, this beautiful young lady is named Sarah."

Sarah smiled and waved at them.

"Sarah and I are going to be upstairs," Stephen said. "We expect that you will stay downstairs. You can do whatever you want. Downstairs. That work for you?"

"Sure," they said.

"All right," Stephen said. "And to make sure you don't tell on me, Petey, I brought you guys a gift."

He lifted a small trunk and set it on the coffee table. He opened it.

"Whoa," Chloe said, looking at all the bottles.

"Sarah and I will be taking this Chardonnay," Stephen said. "The rest of it is yours for the evening. But! You are not to drink all of it."

"Right," Pete said.

"Okay," Stephen said. "Don't make each other do shots. And Pete, don't you try to keep up with Clark; you're a tiny person."

"Dude," Pete said. "I'm normal-sized. Clark has something wrong with his pituitary."

Stephen rolled his eyes. "Fine. Listen, if you get sick, or there's an emergency of any kind, come and get me immediately, without hesitation," he said. "However, I don't want you to have to come and get me. Understood?"

"Yessir," Chloe said.

"Okay," Stephen said. "This is a gift. You're expected to use it wisely. If any part of your body feels numb, stop drinking. If you feel sick, stop with the alcohol. Drink some water. If you feel like you have to walk in a straight line to prove how sober you are, you're drunk and you should stop drinking. All right?"

They nodded.

"And if you get really horny and decide to have a drunken menage a trois, use condoms." Stephen pulled out a couple and tossed them onto the table.

"No, wait," they all said. "Really. We won't need those."

"Just in case," Stephen said. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Nice to meet you," Sarah said.

"Bye," they chorused.

"Huh," Clark said when they'd left.

"...Yeah," Chloe said.

Pete put the condoms under one of the pizza boxes. "We won't need these."

Clark and Chloe nodded.

They watched the Ferrari fly out the window.

"You ever been drunk?" Clark asked Chloe.

"Yeah," she said. "This past summer, at my cousin's wedding."

"Oh," Clark said.

"You guys haven't?"

"No," Clark said.

"No," Pete said.

"Ha," Clark said, "unless you count that time with the hard cider and you--"

"That doesn't count," Pete said.

"Well, I say it's time we remedied that situation," Chloe said, settling on the floor by the coffee table. She started examining the labels.

"Should we mix drinks or something?" Pete said. "There's Coke in the fridge and stuff."

"We'll see," Chloe said. "I mean, I guess we could just have rum and Coke, if we wanted to be boring."

"Well, what else could we make?" Clark said.

"Wanna try for margaritas?" she asked.

"First of all, I don't consider that a Halloween-type drink," Pete said. "Second, there's no lime in the house."

"What do you need lime for?" Clark asked.

Pete shrugged. "I dunno. It has to do with margaritas."

"What's in a Long Island Iced Tea?" Clark asked Chloe.

Chloe laughed. "Everything. We're not making those. They'll knock you on your ass."

"Hm," Clark said, picking up one of the bottles.

"Oh, there ya go," Chloe said, taking the bottle from his hand. "Vodka."

She went into the kitchen and came back with three glasses. She filled each of them up halfway.

"Chloe, those are the glasses I drink milk out of," Pete said. "Those are big glasses."

She rolled her eyes. "You take tiny sips from it."

"Can we...cut it with orange juice or something?" Clark said.

"Don't be such a girl," Chloe said.

Clark looked thoughtful. "There's something in that statement that stands contrary to your general feminist views."

"Oh, well," Chloe said, "I was gonna say 'don't be such a pussy,' but that would have been rude."

Clark nodded. "Okay. This is me, not being a pussy."

He took a small drink.

He choked and coughed.

"Can I have...a chaser or something?"

"Yeah," Chloe said. "A vodka chaser. Take another drink."

Clark did, then cleared his throat several times.

"Seriously," Chloe said, "it'll get better after a couple more drinks."

"Okay," Clark said. He shook it off.

He raised his glass. The other two did the same.

"Salud," Clark said.

They all took a small sip and coughed.

"Shit," Chloe said thickly.

"I thought you'd been all liquored up before," Pete said.

Chloe coughed. "On champagne."

"Okay, don't ever call me a pussy again," Clark said.

"No, champagne sneaks up on you," Chloe said. "Before I knew it, I'd had three bottles."

"Three bottles?" Clark said incredulously.

"Probably a little more," Chloe said. "There were four of us, and we went through thirteen bottles of champagne. And I drank more than the rest of the people."

"Weren't you sick?" Pete said.

"Oh yeah," Chloe said. "Or so I'm told."

"...You can't remember," Clark said.

"Nope," Chloe said. "A full portion of an evening has been forever blocked from my mind."

"Chloe, that's pretty dangerous," Clark said.

"I know," Chloe said. "That's why I'm not doing that anymore. We're going to slowly drink vodka, and we'll be able to tell when we've had enough."

Pete shook his head. "All right," he said. "Cheers."

They all took another sip.

Pete's face squinched up. "Unnh." He flapped his hands.

Clark snickered.

"So we should play a drinking game," Chloe said.

"Like what," Clark said warily.

"Truth or Dare!" she declared.

"How is that a drinking game?" Pete asked.

"Because if you don't want to answer a question or take a dare, you have to take a drink," Chloe said.

"Oh," Pete said. "Does that mean we shouldn't drink during the rest of the game?"

"No, you should," Chloe said. "It helps move the process along."

Clark and Pete looked at each other.

"Okay," they said.

Pete stretched out his legs, gazing at his newly pink toenails. "All right, Clark, I'm daring you," he said.

"Wait," Clark said. "I didn't say 'truth' or 'dare.'"

"Doesn't matter," Pete said. "I'm daring you."

"Okay," Clark said.

"You get very agreeable when you drink," Chloe told Clark.

He smiled at her.

"Okay, Clark," Pete said. "Tell Chloe your middle name."

"Aw..." Clark said. "Aw man! Pete!"

"Tell her."

Clark regarded his glass. "I don't wanna take another drink. I'm already drunk."

"So tell her."

Clark sighed and turned to Chloe. "My middle name is L."

She raised her eyebrows. "Like Elle MacPherson?"

"No, the letter L," Clark said.

"That's not your whole middle name," Pete said.

"That's what it says on my school records!" Clark said.

"Yeah, but what's it say on your adoption papers?" Pete said.

Clark mumbled something.

Chloe glanced between Pete and Clark with an amused look. "What?"

"Lesley," Clark said more loudly. "My middle name is Lesley, all right?"

Pete cracked up.

"Seriously?" Chloe said.

"It was my mom's favorite uncle's name," Clark said sullenly.

Chloe laughed. "Okay."

Clark pointed to Pete. "Fuck you."

"Aw, Clark, what happened to your agreeableness?" Pete said.

"My turn," Chloe said.

On the TV, Linda Blair growled, "Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"

Clark whipped his head around--not quite Linda-Blair style, but a credible imitation--and glared at the TV. "Okay, I put the movie in for my dare, but isn't the dare over now? I think this has been going on long enough."

"You can turn it off," Chloe said.

"Thank you," Clark said.

"I'll get it," Pete said. He turned off the TV and VCR. "Wuss," he muttered.

"Thank you," Clark said. "Truth or dare?" he asked Chloe.

"Truth," she said.

"Um..." Clark thought. "Okay, when you're all grown up, and working for The Daily Planet, how far would you go to get a scoop? I mean, what wouldn't you do? What are the limits?"

Chloe bit her lip. "Hm, good question." She tilted her head and pursed her lips. "Okay, I wouldn't kill a puppy."

Clark laughed. "You'd lie and cheat and steal, but at least you wouldn't kill a--"

Chloe shrugged. "Not unless I had to."

"What?" Pete said.

"Well, say there were some scenario," Chloe said, "in which the government was covering up a scheme that put millions of Americans at risk, and the only way I could expose it would be to kill a puppy. Then I'd kill a puppy."

"What scenario would that be?" Clark said, sipping his drink.

"It probably wouldn't happen," Chloe said. "I'm just saying, if it did."

"You need help," Pete said.

"Pete," Chloe said. "Truth or dare."

"Dare," Pete said.

"Kiss Lesley here," Chloe said.

Pete glanced at Clark. "What kind of kiss?"

"A real kiss," Chloe said, after she took a gulp of vodka. "Lips on lips, for five seconds. With tongue."

Pete took a quick drink. "That takes care of that."

Chloe smirked.

"You want truth this time, Clark?" Pete said.

"Well, I guess I had better," Clark said.

"Don't be bitter, Lesley," Pete said.

"I'm not too drunk to beat you up," Clark said.

"Okay: truth," Pete said. "Tell us something that's a complete secret, that we don't know about."

Clark stretched his neck. "So my crush on Lana doesn't count?"

"Heh," Pete said. "No."

"Okay," Clark said. "I'm an alien from another planet."

"No, for real, Clark," Pete said.

"I'm serious," Clark said. "That's why I'm adopted. My home planet is called Blixmth."

"What was that?" Chloe said.

"Blipsth," Clark said.

"That's totally different from what you said the first time," Chloe said.

"No, I said Bilksth," Clark said. "They sent me here as an ambassador of good will."

"And the people of Bullshit happen to look just like humans?" Pete said.

"No," Clark said. "They look like giant sponges. Purple sponges. But they have superior technology, so they engineered me to look like a human."

"If they're sponges," Chloe said, "how do they manage to manipulate technology?"

"...Telekinesis," Clark said.

"Clark, seriously, man. You have to tell a secret," Pete said.

"I am," Clark said. "What's more, when engineering me, they went a little overboard. So I'm not so much a human as a...superhuman."

"Really," Chloe said.

Clark staggered to his feet. "I'll prove it," he said, swaying slightly. "I can run faster than...what's something fast?"

"A fast runner," Pete said.

"Faster than that," Clark said.

"A bullet," Chloe said.

Clark pointed to her. "I can outrun a bullet. Watch." He bent slightly at the knees.

After a moment, Pete said, "What?"

"I just traveled all the way around the world," Clark said. "Want me to do it again?"

Chloe laughed. "Do you have any other special powers?"

Clark nodded. "I'm invulnerable."

"Siddown, Clark," Pete said.

"I'm not kidding," Clark said. "I put my arm in the wood chipper the other day."

"Was the woodchipper on?" Chloe said.

"Yep," Clark said. "And look. Nothing happened." He pushed up his sleeve and displayed his arm.

"It didn't rip up your shirt?" Chloe asked.

"Oh, yeah, it did do that," Clark said.

"If you're a superhuman, then why do you spaz out whenever you're around Lana?" Pete asked.

"The people of Biklith want me to be humble," Clark said. "Also, I don't think they want me to breed yet."

Chloe snorted.

"Clark," Pete said. "Sit down."

Clark did.

"Tell us a secret," he said.

"That was my only one," Clark said. "You have to ask me something more specific. I can't think of anything. My life is an open book." He smiled broadly.

"All right, um..." Pete said. "Okay, why weren't you at Homecoming?"

Clark took a drink. "Doesn't matter."

"Okay, do me," Chloe said.

"I'm skipping my turn," Clark said. "I crave pumpkin seeds."

He got up to go to the kitchen.

"They're next to the toaster in a Tupperware container," Pete said.

"Thanks," Clark said from the kitchen.

Pete looked at Chloe. "So I guess it's your turn to dare me."

"Hang on a second, though," Chloe said.

"Why?" Pete said.

Clark came back in, holding the plastic container and munching.

"Okay, Pete," Chloe said. "Kiss Clark. Five seconds. With tongue."

"Chloe!" Pete said. "You can't do the same dare!"

"Can too," Chloe said.

Pete grumbled. "I don't want any more to drink."

"There ya go," Chloe said.

Clark set the Tupperware down on the coffee table and licked his fingers. "You ever kissed anyone for real before?" he asked Pete.

"Yeah," Pete said. "In kindergarten."

"I'm talking about a real kiss," Clark said. "A French kiss."

"I know," Pete said. "A real kiss. Me and Rebekah."

"Rebekah the cheerleader?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah," Pete said. "She was a little more attainable in kindergarten."

"Huh," Clark said.

"You haven't kissed anybody?" Pete asked.

"Not really," Clark said.

"See, Chloe," Pete said. "Clark's first kiss can't be on someone else's dare."

"Sure it can," Chloe said, scooping up some pumpkin seeds.

Clark looked at Pete and shrugged. "It's fine with me."

Pete sighed. "Oh, fine."

Clark and Pete leaned in towards each other. Clark smiled, then laughed a little.

"Okay," he said.

He met Pete's lips and opened his mouth slightly. Pete teased his tongue along Clark's lips, then slowly pushed his tongue into Clark's mouth. Clark made a soft, surprised noise. They drew away from each other.

"That was only four and a half seconds," Chloe said.

Clark rolled his eyes and pecked Pete on the tip of the nose. "There. Half a second."

"That works," Chloe said.

Pete picked up his glass, took a quick gulp, then said, "Huhhh, that's not water."

Chloe laughed.

"Arr," Clark said in a deep voice. He lightly punched Pete's shoulder.

"Rrr," Pete replied, punching him back.

"Oh, you're both so manly," Chloe said.

Clark scuffed his foot on the floor and glanced sideways at Pete. "So, uh. How was I?"

"Good," Pete said. "You're salty."

"Well, you know," Clark said, gesturing. "Pumpkin seeds."

"Right," Pete said.

Clark nodded. "You were good too," he said after a pause.

"Good to know," Pete said.

He looked at Chloe. "You have introduced an air of awkwardness to the evening."

"Not my fault," Chloe said.

Pete stretched and yawned. "Are you attracted to guys, Clark?"

"Is that my question?" Clark asked.

"Yeah," Pete said.

"Um..." Clark said. "What do you mean by 'attracted'?"

"I mean..." Pete said. "Have you ever thought a guy was sexy?"

"Mm, kind of. I guess," Clark said.

"Really?" Chloe said. "Who?"

"You know who Dean Cain is?" Clark said.

Chloe squinted her eyes. "Isn't he that two-bit actor who did a special on 'When Celebrities Attack!' or something?"

"Maybe," Clark said. "I saw him in The Broken Hearts Club."

"Isn't that the gay movie they played at the artsy-fartsy movie theater for, like, two days?" Pete asked.

"Yeah," Clark said.

"Why'd you go see it?" Pete said.

"Because my aunt Judy and her life partner were visiting and they wanted to expose me to gay culture so I'd be a more tolerant person."

"I think you're very tolerant, Clark," Chloe said.

"Thank you for humoring me," Clark said.

"And that's the only guy you've ever been attracted to?" Pete asked.

"I don't even know that I was attracted to him," Clark said. "I just noticed he was good-looking."

"I'm good-looking," Pete said. "You don't notice that?"

Clark laughed. "Only in an aesthetic sense."

"Ooh, but what about Lex Luthor?" Chloe said.

"What about him?" Clark asked.

"Welll..." Chloe said. "I think he's got a thing for you."

"What are you talking about?" Clark said.

"He was in the school parking lot the other day," Chloe said. "He called me over to talk to him."

"Well, it sounds like he has a thing for you, then, Chloe," Clark said.

"But no," Chloe said. "He wanted to make sure I was your friend, and asked how you were doing, and said to tell you hi."

"Why didn't you tell me he said hi?" Clark asked.

"I just did," Chloe said.

"That doesn't mean he has a thing for me," Clark said.

"You've got your own stalker, Clark; that's so cute," Chloe said.

"Lex Luthor is not stalking me," Clark said.

"I don't mean stalking in a bad way--I just mean stalking like in the way you stalk Lana."

"I do not stalk Lana!" Clark said.

"Haaaa," Pete commented.

"What?" Clark said. "I don't."

"So would you have sex with Lex Luthor, if he offered?" Pete asked.

"What're you--? I don't even know him," Clark said.

"What if he gave you a million dollars?" Pete asked.

"No!" Clark said. "I wouldn't have sex for money."

"I don't mean just money," Pete said. "I mean a million dollars."

"No," Clark said.

"I'd let him fuck me for a million dollars," Pete said. "I mean, it's a million dollars."

"Me too," Chloe said. "Besides that, he's kind of sexy."

"You think he's sexy?" Pete said. "You don't think he looks sort of fishlike?"

"Be nice, Pete," Clark said.

"No, the bald thing looks really good on him," Chloe said.

"Hey, I've got a question for Chloe," Pete said.

"It's not your turn," Clark said.

"Turns don't matter by this stage of the game," Pete said.

"Oh," Clark said. "All right."

"Chloe," Pete said. "Do you have a crush on anyone? Anyone we know?"

Chloe gritted her teeth and took a quick drink.

"C'mon, Chloe," Pete said. "Who should I dare you to kiss?"

"Shut up, Pete," Chloe said quietly and fiercely.

"Whoa," Clark said. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing," Chloe said.

She stared at Pete.

"Nothing," Pete said finally.

"It's your turn to ask me something, Clark," Chloe said.

"Okay," Clark said. "Um... Are you attracted to any women?"

Chloe shrugged. "Not as much as I am to guys. But maybe a little. I'd do Lana Lang, for example."

"What do you mean, you'd do her," Pete said.

"Well, I'd make out with her," Chloe said.

"That's not the same as doing her," Pete said.

"Hold your horses," Clark said. "If anyone here is going to do Lana or make out with her, it's going to be me."

"Why you?" Chloe asked.

"Because I've spent the most time humiliating myself in front of her and I've earned it," Clark said.

"Not to mention all the time you've invested in stalking her," Chloe said.

"Hey!" Clark said.

Pete yawned. "I'm gonna get sleeping bags out."

"Okay," Chloe said. "I call the couch."

Clark rubbed his eyes. "Okay."

"I'll get us some water to drink," Chloe said. "It should keep us from being hungover."

Pete came back with sleeping bags and pillows, and Chloe returned with three glasses of water.

Clark spread his sleeping bag out and punched his pillow. "Hey, Chloe," he said.

"Yeah?" she said, settling onto the couch.

"You wanna have drunken sex?"

Chloe let out a quiet laugh. "I thought your people didn't want you to breed."

"That's why we've got condoms," Clark said.

Chloe laughed again. "Thanks anyway."

Clark rolled his head over to face Pete. "Hey, Pete," he said.

"No thank you," Pete said.

"Okay," Clark said, yawning.

Clark lay on his side, looking at Pete, who was curled into a ball. He could hear Chloe snoring softly.

He closed his eyes. He was tired. Time to sleep.

He opened his eyes. Oh shit. He couldn't sleep. Not anymore, not in front of people.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

He was tired.

The end