Clark sighed, pulling the door to the back entrance of the Talon shut behind him in an attempt to keep out the cold. He had deliveries to make, and while he was invulnerable, he knew that others wouldn't appreciate the chill.

Flicking on a light, Clark made his way down the back hallway towards the room where he normally put the deliveries. He was carrying two crates of cider, made from the apples in the back orchard. He'd only started making the cider a few years back when he'd realized that the farm had needed some kind of boost to just break even during the winter, but it had sold fairly well, and so he'd continued.

There were times that Clark had to admit that he regretted not going to college in the city. He'd had the chance--if he'd wanted to play football than he could even have gone on a full scholarship. But the farm had needed him, and after his father had died, there hadn't really been another choice.

Even so, he sometimes couldn't help feeling a little bit bitter about the fact that his mother had gotten to leave--had gotten to go pursue her dreams while he'd stayed to keep things running. Even after her term in the Senate was done, she'd stayed in Washington, choosing to get a job there.

His mother never said so, but Clark was more than aware that there were times when she'd regretted giving up the life she could have had in order to become a farmer's wife.

Trying to push his thoughts aside, Clark put the cider into the refrigerator. The new manager of the Talon would probably want it sometime the next day, not that he knew for sure. He was no longer closely connected to this establishment--not since Lana had left Smallville, anyway.

Clark had never been quite sure why their relationship had failed. Even after she'd found out about his powers, somehow things still hadn't gone as he'd thought they would. After her marriage to Lex, something was just different, and whatever that difference was, it drove a wedge between them. Neither of them had seen it coming, just as much as neither of them had been able to repair it.

Now, four years later, Clark was still in Smallville, Lana was in Metropolis, and he was lonelier than he'd ever been in his life. Even with Chloe still nearby, she was too busy working at the Planet to really be around much anymore. Even Lex had moved his headquarters back to Metropolis after Lionel had died in an accident. Clark was the only one left here, and he had to admit that he didn't see that changing anytime soon.

"You look as though you're thinking hard."

The voice startled Clark, and he spun around, nearly dropping the gallon of cider that he had in his hand. At the last minute, he managed to keep a hold on it, but he did end up colliding with the person who had come up behind him. "I'm sorr--Lex?" Although Clark hadn't turned on all the lights in the back room, he was still able to clearly see the person standing before him. "What are you doing here?"

Lex raised an eyebrow, looking amused. "I own this place."

"And you've been running it from Metropolis just fine for the past four years," Clark pointed out, raising an eyebrow. For some reason, just being in the same room with Lex caused a multitude of negative feelings to rise up in Clark. All the things that Lex had done in the past might have been out of sight, but they were never far out of Clark's mind. Every time Chloe talked about her mother, whenever anyone mentioned a meteor-infected person--it all brought his mind back to Lex.

Lex chuckled. "And from the way you're acting, that's where you'd have preferred that I'd stayed. Oh, Clark, you never change."

In an attempt to hide his annoyance, Clark opened the refrigerator door and leaned down to finish placing the cider inside. He could feel Lex's gaze on him as he bent over, not that he had any idea what he'd done to merit such close scrutiny. Lex had been gone for four years; Clark couldn't fathom why he'd come back now. "And you do?" he asked once he'd stood up.

Something flickered in Lex's eyes. "I guess you don't read the Daily Planet. Funny, I'd have thought you would, given that your best friend works there."

"I read it, but that doesn't mean I believe everything I read." Clark's reply was a little sharper than was probably warranted, and he knew that. It had been years since he'd last seen Lex in person, and yet he was evoking the same old feelings.

Lex only nodded at Clark's comment and slipped his hands into his pocket. He didn't look angry, but only a little disappointed, almost as though he'd been expecting that answer, but still didn't like it. "You're still one of the skeptics who don't believe I've changed."

"I knew you too well to think that you'd change, Lex," he snapped.

"Anyone can change, Clark."

Frustration finally overrode Clark's patience, and he grabbed the crates that had held his cider, intent on leaving with them. "Why are you even here, Lex?" he asked as he turned towards the door. It might have been rude to more or less walk out on a conversation, but he was beyond caring--he didn't want to dredge up old memories.

"It's almost Christmas, Clark," he said quietly. "Maybe I just wanted some time away from the city."

Clark gave a soft snort; he'd believe that when the cows on his farm grew wings and joined the proverbial pigs. "I've got to go," he replied coldly. "The farm doesn't run itself."

"Do you still believe a man can fly, Clark?"

Clark's paused, his hand on the doorknob. Part of him just wanted to walk out, but the other part--the part that remembered being best friends with Lex--stopped, unable to disregard his words. For just a moment, a reply hung on his lips, on the verge of being spoken. It was only at the last possible moment that he stiffened, moving forward and walking out the door without looking back. Some things were better left buried, and this was one thing that he wasn't sure he could handle revisiting.

As it turned out, Lex really was back in town for Christmas, though no one seemed to actually believe that a holiday could be his only reason. Everywhere Clark went, people were speculating on what the real reason was, because, as he quickly found, opinions of Lex hadn't changed much from the days when Clark had been a teenager in high school. Lex was still notorious, and people seemed to have forgotten the fact that he'd done some good things for them.

Clark was a little disturbed to realize that he felt a prickle of anger about that.

Lex had saved the plant--had saved hundreds of jobs--and yet people just tossed that out the window. They preferred to gossip about the negative things Lex had done, because it made for better conversation. It was more interesting to talk about all of his underhanded business dealings and questionable ethics than it was to consider the positive things Lex had created for the town.

Clark would have been the first one to admit that Lex had done a lot of wrong. Hell, he and Lex had gone through one of the worst falling outs that Clark had ever heard of. There was a lot of bad blood between them--that was undeniable. Yet some part of Clark felt that his former friend wasn't being treated fairly, and he had to admit that, deep down, he was worried that he'd treated him the same way. It wasn't something he'd even consciously admit to himself, but it was still there, a deep down nagging feeling of a guilty conscience.

Such a realization didn't make his knowledge of Lex's less than ethical experiments fade--it simply made him remember that not everything Lex had done had been bad, and that maybe he should have looked at that, too. Instead of just condemning Lex and writing him off as evil, he should have taken a look at all the facts.

That didn't make him dislike Lex any less--it simply added to the long list of regrets that he had.

And, apparently, that list was about to get longer.

Two days after Clark bumped into Lex at the Talon, he found himself at Fordman's store, buying a Christmas gift for his mother. It was at times like these when he really missed her, even to the point of resentment at the fact that she'd left him here. It was irrational, he knew, because he could have found someone else to care for the farm in his stead--could have sold it, even--but neither of them had wanted that.

She'd just gotten the better deal and had been able to leave.

His mother wrote and called, yes, but it was very clear that she'd made a life for herself in DC--one that was completely independent from her son. She still loved him and would do anything for him, and he knew that, but he was no longer the central part of her life.

Just as Clark was reaching up onto a shelf, intent on grabbing some candles in the hope that maybe his mother would like those, footsteps approached from behind him, squeaking on the tiled floor of the store. "Imagine meeting you here, Clark."

Clark didn't have to turn around to know whom the voice belonged to. Even now, years later, he'd have known Lex's voice anywhere.

When Clark turned to face Lex, his expression must have given his feelings away. "Honestly, Clark, you don't usually hold grudges like this," Lex said with a bitter kind of chuckle that showed just how unfunny he thought the situation.

Clark felt a twinge of unease at that comment. He shouldn't have as much animosity towards Lex as he did--and he didn't even really understand it. All he knew was that Lex created a kind of frustration in him, accompanied by a feeling of failure. Lex reminded him of all the people he couldn't save, probably because he was the first to really teach Clark that lesson.

When Clark still didn't reply, Lex gave a little sigh. "Come get a cup of coffee with me," he said finally. "It's snowing pretty hard, and you look like you could use it."

It was automatic to respond with a no, and the words were out of Clark's mouth before he'd even really considered why he was refusing. "I can't," he lied, trying to smooth over his abrupt answer. "I've got to go bring the cows in."

As soon as Clark spoke, Lex's brows furrowed in something like annoyance. "Clark, you're not going to turn evil by just being around me."

"I have to go bring the cows in," he repeated flatly.

Lex's expression made it more than clear that he knew the excuse was a lie, but he nodded anyway. "All right, Clark. If you have the time, stop by the mansion at some point. Maybe we can talk." He never waited for a reply, but instead turned and walked out of the store.

Clark was left standing there, feeling like a complete fool. Lex hadn't called him on his blatant lie, something that Clark would have thought he'd do, but what was more confusing was that he wasn't even sure why he'd lied.

What was it about Lex Luthor?

Clark didn't go to the mansion, even if a few days later he found himself wanting to, if only to get answers. It was two weeks before Christmas, and Lex was still in town. Clark didn't know why that bothered him so much. Really, he shouldn't have cared--Lex wasn't bothering him.

Still, having Lex around was a constant reminder of all the ways things had changed. It also made him face his loneliness for the first time, at least in a roundabout way. Having Lex here made him think of all the people who'd left, and that forced him to consider how alone and isolated he actually was.

He could go weeks without seeing anyone if he wanted to stay on the farm. Chloe would call him, and so would his mother, but he'd see neither of them. If he wanted to, he could stay isolated for just about as long as he wanted--no one really sought him out.

That was the main reason why, when he heard the crunch of tires on the snow, it caught his attention.

Setting down the feedbag that he was holding, Clark headed out of the barn and into the yard. The snow was coming down heavily, and he couldn't imagine who would be foolish enough to drive in this weather.

The Porsche that had just pulled up in his driveway gave him the answer.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised; vehicle safety had never really been Lex's strong point.

Clark remained in the yard in front of the barn as Lex exited his car and walked towards him, leaving footprints in the fresh snow. His black jacket made him stand out glaringly in front of the snowy landscape, somewhat like he'd always done in Smallville. He'd never fit here, and suddenly Clark found himself wondering if maybe he and Lex were a little more alike than he'd thought.

"I had a feeling I'd find you out in the barn," Lex said as he came to stand next to Clark.

Clark raised an eyebrow. "I'm a farmer, remember?" Maybe not because that was what he'd wanted to be, but circumstances had made it so, and Clark believed in making the best of what he had.

Oddly, Lex seemed to know that. "Why didn't you ever go back to college, Clark?" he asked, looking past Clark towards the barn and the fields.

The question caught Clark off guard and left him feeling uncertain. The reasons why he hadn't gone back to school were obvious on the surface, but if you dug a little bit deeper then you'd unbury a lot of things that Clark wanted to keep hidden. "It just didn't work out."

Lex knew when he shouldn't push any further, and even if he sometimes chose to disregard that knowledge, this time he let the subject drop. Instead, he simply nodded. "I know the feeling."

Like our friendship, Clark wanted to say. The stuff of legend turned out to not be so legendary after all, and Clark regretted that more than he'd have liked to admit. Because while the man Lex had become might not have been someone Clark wanted to be friends with, the man he'd once been had, at the time, been Clark's best friend.

"Was there something you needed?" Clark asked finally, breaking a silence that was just a little too long to be comfortable.

Lex's face remained impassive. "Just to give you something."

The answer took Clark a little off guard. This whole situation seemed so surreal, given how they'd parted ways. "What?"

Lex reached into his coat and pulled out a folder. "You wanted proof that I'd changed," he said as he handed the folder to Clark.

"And this will give it to me?" Despite his skepticism, Clark reached out and took the folder. It was warm to the touch, having been pressed against Lex.

"It's every password that I've ever used. It also contains a clearance card that will get you into any secure facility of mine. If you truly don't believe I've changed, find something to prove it."

Surprised, Clark took a step back, feeling as though he were looking at Lex for the first time. "Are you challenging me to find solid proof that you're a bad person?" This wasn't something that he'd expected.

Chuckling, Lex nodded. "Remember, Clark, I only issue a challenge if I know I can win."

"And you're sure I won't find anything?" he prompted, not quite ready to believe yet. "How do I know you're not hiding something?"

Lex merely shrugged. "I assure you, anything that you find, those codes will give you access. If you think I'm lying, find something that you can't get in to." He said nothing more and they were left looking at each other, Lex's gaze issuing the challenge better than his words ever could. He was daring Clark to prove him wrong.

The intensity of the gaze reminded Clark of how they'd looked at each other back when they'd been friends, with one notable difference--Lex's eyes were much lonelier than they'd ever been before. There was still energy and life there, but now they were cloudy, the blue-gray having become much stormier. He looked as troubled as Clark sometimes felt.

For some reason, it made Clark feel more sympathetic towards him than he had in years.

"I'll see you around, Clark," Lex said finally, turning away from Clark and walking back towards the car. The snow crunched under his feet as he left new footprints next to the half-covered ones that he'd made just minutes earlier.

Getting into the car, he gave Clark one last look before he pulled out of the yard. Clark was left standing alone, the only spot of brightness in the now-white landscape around him. It was peaceful out there, and the snow showed no signs of stopping--both the exact opposites of the uncertainties that had begun to infiltrate his mind.

Christmas had almost arrived. Like every year, the anticipation was running high, and the Talon was throwing a Christmas party in an attempt to use that energy to boost sales. Normally, Clark wouldn't have gone, but ever since Lex had given him that folder, he was feeling the irrepressible need to be out of his house, or more specifically, away from his thoughts.

Six trips to Metropolis had revealed nothing. Clark had gone everywhere he could think of--had checked any place that might have raised a red flag. Chloe had helped him, looking for anything that could have been categorized as suspicious.

Clark had found nothing.

There was nothing in Lex's company that could be considered illegal. Every experiment being conducted had the proper government clearance and oversight, every cent of his funds was accounted for--he even followed every zoning law to a tee. Clark could find nothing to suggest that Lex wasn't telling him the truth.

Clark didn't know why he was trying so hard to find something wrong. He knew he should have been happy that Lex had cleaned up his act. But for some reason the feeling persisted, keeping him awake nights as he mulled it over, trying to think of a reason why he wasn't satisfied.

And then he finally grasped it--he didn't want to be disappointed again.

When and if it turned out that this was all a facade, Clark didn't want to have to face that again. He didn't want to feel that sting of betrayal. It was easier to push Lex away--to not believe him--then it was to let him in again and give him another chance.

Which was, Clark realized, exactly what Lex wanted.

Lex may have come home for Christmas, but he wasn't here just for the peace of the country--he'd come to talk to Clark. He wanted another chance, and it bothered Clark that he was having trouble giving it, even when all the facts were pointing to Lex having really reformed.

And so, unable to face anymore of his thoughts at the present time, Clark had ventured out of the seclusion of the farm in favor of grabbing a coffee at the annual Talon Christmas party. It was only once he'd seated himself, newspaper in hand, at one of the tables that he realized he wasn't going to be able to escape his thoughts here--if anything, he was going to be forced to think harder.

"Found anything yet?"

Lex's voice came from behind him, and Clark slowly turned around. "No," he answered honestly.

"And you still think you're going to?" Lex's movement seemed effortless as he walked around Clark and seated himself on the opposite side of the table. Slowly, in a clear command, he took the edge of the paper and slipped it from Clark's hands, folding it and laying it down on the table. "What do you think I'm hiding?"

Clark glanced up at him. "Why would you just suddenly drop everything and clean up your act?"

Lex chuckled and glanced down. "Would you believe me if I told you that one morning I just woke up and realized I'd driven anyone that I'd ever cared about away? That I realized I was alone?"

Oddly, Clark could understand that better than most anyone else. "I might," he said quietly, turning his coffee cup slowly in his hands.

Lex only nodded, not pressing for more. "I realized that if I didn't want to be alone--if I wanted to have people I could trust in my life--I had to become a person that could be trusted."

"Why are you here, Lex?" It was a blunt question, one that had been swirling inside Clark since he'd first seen Lex back in Smallville. "Even if what you're saying is true, why come back here? Why not take this revelation to Lana? If she believed in your transformation, then you could have a shot at the person you've always wanted."

"No," Lex replied quietly. "I wouldn't. Not if I went back to Lana."

That comment didn't make sense to Clark, but he only nodded, not wanting to push further on the subject. "But then why are you here?"

Lex sighed as he looked up at Clark. "You were my best friend, Clark--I miss that. I miss having someone to talk to."

Clark understood that feeling. He understood how it felt to remember a time when there had been people around to talk to--when there had been a time when his mother had been in the kitchen cooking dinner as he did homework at the table, when he could roll over in bed at two in the morning to see his girlfriend, or even when he could go play pool with his best friend. And somehow, the memories made not having those things all the lonelier.

"And I think you do, too."

Lex's added words snapped Clark out of his thoughts, and he found himself looking across the table at Lex in surprise. "Why would you think that?" he snapped, more aggressively than was warranted. He knew that, but he couldn't help throwing up his defenses.

"You never wanted to live the life you're living now," Lex said simply. "You never wanted to be a farmer, and you were meant for greater things than Smallville. Everyone you care about has left, has moved on for more, but you're stuck here because of an obligation you think you have to fulfill."

"You don't know that," Clark denied sharply, pushing his chair back and standing up. It was a lie--they both knew that, but Clark couldn't stop himself from saying it. He didn't want to deal with any of this, and he hated that Lex was making him do so.

Not looking back, he grabbed his coat and hurried out of the Talon.

Clark didn't know what he was doing on Lex's doorstep. After he'd run out of the Talon earlier in the day, he knew that he probably had no right to be here.

He'd completely rebuffed all of Lex's attempts to talk--he'd flat-out walked out on him, all because Lex had touched on a subject that Clark didn't want to think about. If he were really honest with himself, he hadn't wanted to touch on it because it hit a little too close to home.

It was a surprise when the door opened in front of him, though he supposed it shouldn't be, given that he'd been standing there for the last ten minutes, trying to decide whether or not to knock. Still, it was a bit jolting to see that Lex was the one to open it.

"Come inside, Clark," Lex said in an exasperated manner, his tone not unfriendly. "You're scaring the servants by just standing there."

Clark couldn't help the blush that rose on his cheeks. Had he really been standing there that long?

"I'm sorry for walking out on you today," he mumbled as he followed Lex into the mansion.

Lex shrugged, not pausing as he led Clark down the hall to his office. "No offense taken." As soon as they were in the office, Lex went for the bar, pouring himself a glass of scotch. Clark had to admit, that was somewhat telling. "You want one?" Lex asked with a raised eyebrow.

To Clark's surprise, he found himself nodding. "Yeah, sure." He'd never been much of a drinker, but he thought that he'd like to have something to do with his hands right now. "Did you really mean what you said today?" Clark asked as he watched Lex pour out the drinks.

Lex never hesitated. "About missing you? Yes, I meant it."

"Why would you?" Clark asked as he accepted the drink. "We didn't part on the best terms. I'm pretty sure we killed whatever friendly feelings there were between us."

"Did we?" Lex asked, not looking at all phased. "One would think that, and yet we never quite finished each other off. We'd hit where we knew it hurt, but when push came to shove, we'd never be willing to deal that final blow."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Clark lied, taking a sip of the scotch. He grimaced a little at the taste.

Lex chuckled, clearly knowing it was a lie. "When I needed medical attention, did you ever just leave me to die, Clark? And when we were stuck down in those tunnels, did I leave you trapped there?"

"It was the right thing to do," he muttered, even if he knew it was more than that. He couldn't quite figure out why he was lying to himself about Lex, because really, what difference did it even make? He might at least be honest with himself, and yet he just couldn't bring himself to do that.

Slowly, Lex made his way across the room so that he was standing in front of Clark. "And maybe your friendship's not what I want."

Instinctively, Clark looked up at him. "Then what do you want?"

Clark never saw it coming when Lex leaned in for a kiss. It was completely unexpected, and yet he had no will to pull away. He sank into the feeling as if he belonged there, kissing back before he even knew what he was doing. By the time Lex broke the kiss, the only thing that he knew was that he was in way over his head.

"We failed as friends," he gasped out as Lex pulled away a fraction of an inch. "Why would you think we'd do any better as lovers?"

Lex chuckled, his breath smoothing out over Clark's lips. "The way I see it, Clark, we've never been very good at doing things half-way. Maybe that was our problem--we didn't put enough in to our relationship, and so neither of us felt compelled to be honest. This time around, things are going to be different." The way he said that was a command, probably meant for the universe and Clark, because no one would even dare to defy a Luthor when he spoke like that.

"Who says we're giving it a second chance?" Clark muttered, even if he knew he was already hopelessly lost. Protesting now was just for show.

"Don't be difficult," Lex murmured. Laughing a little, he leaned in to suck a wet kiss on Clark's neck. "You're only lying to yourself."

"I--fine." Only Lex could make this into a battle, though Clark had to admit that maybe he had a hand in it, too. After all, if he wasn't fighting back, Lex probably wouldn't start a war in the first place.

"That's what I like to hear." Lex sounded so complacent as he slipped his arms around Clark's waist, but somehow Clark couldn't find it in himself to dislike that. He was actually finding it kind of hot.

Sighing, he sank down into Lex's embrace. It was warm, and he could almost feel his loneliness beginning to ease. Maybe this was what he'd needed all along.

"This time around," Lex murmured as he placed a kiss on Clark's cheek, "we're going to get things right."

For the first time in years, Clark believed him.