Disclaimer: 'Smallville' and certain characters belong to Miller-Gough et. al. No profit is gained from this writing. Only, hopefully, enjoyment.

Sometimes he got caught up in daydreams. He'd sit in class and, when it was boring, Clark would imagine himself. . . other places, doing other things. Being someone else. And not just in class, either. Chores were done by rote, and while he worked his mind would play out what it might have been like if he lived in a faraway city, or if his parents had adopted another child, or if he'd been home-schooled. He always walked home after football practice, human speed. During the time it took him to cover the miles, he often thought about his birth parents and what would have happened if he hadn't been sent away and Krypton hadn't died. Would he be happy there?

When he watched movies or tv shows about families, Clark would think about all the ones he knew. What if Lex's mom hadn't died. . . or his brother Julian? What if Lionel had been the one in that field of corn to lose his hair, and not Lex? Clark thought about all the millions of little things that built up, all the tiny moments that, if changed, would have made it so that Lana's parents didn't die in that meteor all those years ago. Did Chloe's mother miss her daughter? Clark had never known the woman, but Gabe was a nice man. Would Chloe even be in Smallville if there were three Sullivans, and not just two?

He often sat up in the barn and wondered what Pete was doing at that moment -- if he would return Clark's phone calls were he ever to muster up the courage to let it ring more than once before hanging up. He thought Pete probably had a bunch of new friends, none of them freaky aliens. Clark wondered if Pete ever thought of him. Would he be proud that Clark was on the football team? Or would he give him the same looks that Dad did? The ones that said he was doing something stupid and wrong and shouldn't be happy doing it. Clark didn't have anyone to share his secrets with, anymore -- no one besides his mom and dad. This year he thought he might even have some normal teenage problems he could have asked Pete's advice on, but there was no Pete. With everything that had happened since his friend left, he sometimes planned out what he would say if he ever saw Pete again -- where he'd start and what all he'd tell him. Would he tell Pete about Jor-El and Kal-El and how he'd flown? Yeah, Pete would think that was cool. But Clark would never tell anyone what went on with him and. . .

He missed Pete.

Every once in awhile, he'd have to stop by Fordman's to get something. Each time he went by the store's front window, he'd see the picture of Whitney in his Marine uniform and think of what he'd be doing were he. . . still alive. Whitney would have made a good teacher or counselor. He could have been a coach -- he was great at every sport and, though it was only towards the end there, Whitney had been nice to him. When Clark went up to the counter at Fordman's, Whitney's mother was usually there to ring him up. She always smiled at him and asked him how he was doing. How were his folks, and what was new with Martha because she hadn't seen her in forever? And this year, she'd started asking him how he liked playing football. Then she'd glance at the picture in the window and her eyes would turn sad. Clark always told her that he really liked playing and that it was a wonderful sport, but that the team wasn't as good as it had been three years ago. It wasn't necessarily true, but it always made Whitney's mom smile and thank him and Clark liked making Whitney look good. He liked remembering him as a friend, even if they hadn't really been friends. They'd understood each other, though, and he thought that was even better in some ways.

He missed Whitney.

One day, Clark was flipping slowly through the channels and stopped on an ad for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. At the end, they showed a man and a kid at an aquarium. . . and the kid reminded him so strongly of Ryan that Clark had immediately turned off the tv and gone up to the barn. He'd stood for hours wondering what it would be like had they taken Ryan in that first time. Could they have gotten him help with the tumor before it was too late? Back then, Lex would have tried, and he and Clark would have found a way. Even if Ryan had still gotten worse, at least he could have lived with them the whole time. . . had more happy days. Instead of being experimented on. Clark missed Ryan. He'd been the last person to really make him feel cool, and not like some kind of scary monster or a liar and a fraud. Ryan had loved his powers, had laughed and smiled every time Clark showed off.

The other day after practice, when they were in the locker room, one of the guys had been complaining about Halloween coming up and how he had to take his little sister around Trick-or-Treating. All the others had laughed and said "better you than me, dude," and went on to brag about the 'tail' they'd get that weekend, or the hot chick in some class, or what their mom was making for dinner. Clark was always quiet, so no one really made a big deal about it anymore -- especially not in the locker room with the coach and assistant coaches not far away -- but when he'd heard. . . Matt, that was his name. . . when he'd heard Matt and the others complaining about what 'a pain in the ass' their little brothers or sisters were, he'd wanted to speak up and tell them to enjoy them while they could. Kids grew up, and people died. People in Smallville died all the time -- young people and old people, and well-known and powerful people died just as often as those people nobody talked to and everybody ignored or made fun of.

Clark had wanted to go right over there and tell Matt and Charlie and Chad and Kyle and Mitch and Tanner that they should take care of their siblings, that they should protect them and spend time with them because there were plenty of people in this town who would love to have a brother or sister. Clark and Lex and Lana, and he thought even Chloe and Jason would have liked to have someone else there. For everyone but Clark and Lana it was just them and a parent. Chloe had her dad, and while Gabe was great, Clark knew Chloe would have been a great sister. Jason looked so sad and lonely sometimes, and he never talked about his mother. Clark knew Jason's dad was dead and when he'd asked if he had any other family, Jason just looked at him like he was stupid and kissed him to shut him up. And Lex. . . well, Clark could perfectly visualize the look on Lex's face when he'd introduced Lucas as his brother. He'd been proud and happy and, yes, guarded and wary, but still. . . he'd had a brother and Clark knew how much that meant to Lex. Now, the only time he heard Lex talk about Lucas was when he told Clark about having to bail him out of trouble again.

And Lana? Well, that was an easy one. Lana had no one but Nell and Henry Small to call family, and both of them were long gone. Nell was living in Metropolis with some banker last he'd heard, and Henry Small and his family had moved out to Oregon last year. The one thing Lana wanted most in this world was a family. She would have spoiled any kid brother or sister rotten. Maybe. Sometimes Lana was a bit. . . self-involved, but who was he to throw stones? Clark wasn't completely selfless, either. He was greedy and self-absorbed and a coward. Lex may never remember what happened last year, but Clark always would. He'd run away and let those people take his best friend. Clark had abandoned Lex because he was afraid, because Lex had figured out the truth and he couldn't think of what to do.

Sometimes Clark ran -- far and as fast as he could -- and when he'd reach an ocean he'd stop and sit on the beach. One time, he'd stayed through a storm in Washington, with the waves and sand and wet wind rising and thrashing around him. It'd been a Saturday, and he'd told his parents that he was going to the Torch to work on something, but he hadn't. He ran. And while he was sitting there on the shore, Clark wondered where he'd be right now if he hadn't run away from Lex. What would have happened if, instead of leaving him there, he'd picked Lex up and taken him. . . away, too? They would go into hiding and eventually all the drugs would come out of Lex's system, and then Clark would bring them back to the farm. Lex and Clark would testify that Lionel had poisoned Lex and murdered his own parents, and then it would've been fine. His best friend would be whole and sane and he'd know Clark's secret but he wouldn't care -- he'd think it was cool like Ryan had -- and he and Clark would still be friends. And Clark wouldn't feel at all guilty, because he'd know that he'd done the 'right' thing.

Yesterday, Jason had yelled at him during practice because he'd been daydreaming. He never meant to space off, but it happened anyway. Clark had been thinking about what it would be like if he and Jason ran away. Would Jason's mother find them? He bet she would. Jason seemed truly terrified of her at times, and had once said that she and Lionel were alike. That was enough for Clark to wish that he never had anything to do with her, ever. Besides, he didn't want to leave his parents alone. They needed him and he'd miss them if he were gone. But it had been a nice fantasy, and when Jason broke him out of it, he did it in front of the whole team. He yelled at him and Clark knew Jason was taking it personally.

"How many times, Clark? You know we have to be careful. *Why do you keep doing this stuff*? People aren't stupid; they'll catch on. I can't give you special treatment, *I just can't*."

"I don't want you to! It's not like I do it on purpose. I just. . . get distracted."

"Yeah, well, try to stay focused. At least at practice? *I don't like having to yell at you*."

It was a secret. No one knew but them, and Jason was constantly reminding him that if they weren't careful. . .

He didn't want to hurt anyone, he really didn't, least of all Lana, but didn't he get to be happy? Jason made him happy, and Clark thought he did the same for him. Most of the time, he thought Lana was using Jason just as much as Jason was using her, but he wasn't supposed to know that, so he kept quiet. Jason had his secrets and Clark had his own, and never the twain shall meet. If Clark didn't tell Lex or Chloe -- or, hell, even Lana -- he wasn't going to tell Jason, and Jason didn't seem inclined to tell him what exactly was going on, either.

He wasn't sure what kind of relationship they actually had, considering they couldn't trust each other and both of them were mooning over the same people, but somehow it worked. Jason told lame jokes and made him laugh with horribly cheesy pick-up lines. One time when they'd been at Jason's and somehow Clark had ended up with a milk mustache, Jason slid up next to him and said, "Hi, my name is 'Milk.' I'll do your body good." Clark had actually had milk in his mouth at the time, and him spitting it out had caused Jason to periodically burst into laughter for days afterward.

But they were serious, too. Some days, Jason would look so sad that Clark just knew he'd talked to his mother, and when Clark had to stop someone from hurting someone else, he felt like he was the cause of everything that went wrong in that town. But when they were together everything was somehow better.

With Lana still hanging around everywhere, it was hard for the two of them to get any significant amount of time alone, though. Clark had to sneak over to Jason's house a lot, and if anyone paid attention to how often Jason came by the farm, they'd be screwed, but somehow. . . they made it work. Lana was being strung along, and he did feel bad for it, but it wasn't like she hadn't done the exact same thing to him for years. Clark and Whitney had been pitted against each other, and it was only after they'd actually talked to each other that they realized the whole competitive thing was stupid. And, yes, Jason was his coach, but Clark didn't get special treatment and it wasn't hurting anyone -- he was past the age of consent and Jason was 20 years old, well within the three-year age gap restriction -- so he didn't really see a problem.

What really made Clark nervous about the whole thing were the knowing looks Lex always gave him when he saw him these days. There'd been a time in the Talon when he and Jason were talking at the counter and Lex had come in. They'd all made polite chatter for a few minutes and then Jason had said a quick "See ya later" to Clark and left, claiming he had some film to look over before the game the next day. Lex had just stared at Clark and given him that smug little smirk he got when he knew something juicy, and then he'd taken his coffee and left. Clark was pretty sure that Lex knew some of what was going on, but there was no way he knew it all. He was also sure that even if Lex did figure it out, he wouldn't tell anyone. He liked being in the know too much, and the drama of the situation would provide him with endless entertainment. Clark and Jason's relationship was scandalous enough, but if Lex ever found out that Jason and Lana were also involved, he'd laugh himself silly over the fact that his love life was now the least tangled and dysfunctional.

Sometimes Clark imagined himself with Lex. The tension had always been there, he thought. Especially back when they'd first known each other, looking back, Clark could see that a lot of Lex's attempts at "being a good friend, Clark" had really been his way of flirting. Lex gave him gifts and hung out with him a lot, and those looks he'd given him, that Clark had never been able to figure out back then? Now he could see those looks for what they were: lustful and wanting. Jason gave him those looks, and sometimes Clark would still catch Lex's eyes lingering on him. Not as frequently now, since they weren't exactly friends anymore, but they were still there.

It was only recently that Clark had started returning those looks. He once took the time to study Lex's body as he leaned up at the counter talking to Lana about something. Clark had been sitting at a table across the room and Lex hadn't been wearing a jacket that day like he usually did. Just a sweater and slacks, and his ass was pushed out as he rested his arms on the counter. Needless to say, Clark had been turned on. Picturing himself with Lex and wondering how the man was in bed felt strange and exciting, and one of Clark's favorite daydreams was the three of them together in Lex's bedroom. Jason and Clark and Lex, maybe not even at the castle here, maybe they were on some sunny beach somewhere with nothing to do but be happy. Lana would move on and find someone who could finally be her everything, and Chloe would be with Pete, who still loved her and would come back to Smallville to live. Mom and Dad would have the farm free and clear after Lex helped them out, help they'd easily and joyfully accept. And. . . and if this were the best of all possible worlds, then it would have both Greg and Whitney alive, too. Whitney would be coaching -- he'd take Jason's job! -- and Ryan would be his brother for real and he'd live with Mom and Dad. God, his parents would love him! and Clark would take him fishing and. . .

. . . it was just a stupid daydream. He could stand up here in the loft, the stupid "*Fortress of Solitude*,' all he wanted, and none of those things would ever happen. Pete was gone. Whitney and Greg were dead and never coming back. He and Jason would probably break up soon, and the reality was that Lex would sooner hug Lionel than touch Clark these days. Mom and Dad were always going to be in debt and, to Dad especially, Lex was the Antichrist to Lionel's Lucifer. They'd never accept his help in anything now, and he, Clark, and Jason would never end up in bed together. And Ryan was dead and always would be. Just like Lex's mom and his little brother, Lana's parents, and the entire planet of Krypton. All dead, not coming back, never again in the whole of existence. Dead.

Daydreams were beautiful while you were in them, but they never lasted long enough. Sometimes he felt like his whole life was a daydream. He was an alien and he had super-powers and people in this town mutated and went crazy all the time. He was an alien and his only friend these days was a highly-intelligent reporter focused on the weird and paranormal. He was an alien and in love with three different people, and he knew he wouldn't end up with any of them.

He often got caught up in daydreams. Sometimes he imagined himself somewhere else or doing something else, but most of the time he imagined he was someone else.